| sheer simplicity
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tragicbubble
| I'm afraid I know | 1 |
what happens when lips | 2 |
collide and orange flares | 3 |
behind the lids | 4 |
of closed eyes, | 5 |
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for sometimes you | 6 |
don’t survive | 7 |
the crash or the rush | 8 |
when touch | 9 |
bursts around what’s soon | 10 |
discovered | 11 |
is so much more than lust | 12 |
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and I know, | 13 |
because I | 14 |
didn’t. | 15 |
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28 Apr 05 |
Rated 8 (8) by 1 users.
Active (1): 8
Inactive (2): 7, 9
(define the words in this poem)
(46 more poems by this author)
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Comments:
it's good ... good flow, good image
a couple of soft endings i'd deal with ... line 4 and expecially line 11 ...
on 11 ... were it me, i'd move "is" down to 12
— Bloodfetish
The last stanza falls just a step close from utterly captivating me and driving it all home. Hmm, these are my only tidbits to add for the moment. I'll try to come back to this when I've had time to let it 'resonate' in my mind.
-Rixes
— unknown
your poem is too long to be sheer simplicity
— bettalpha
Last few lines are perfect.
— midare
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