| Cafe Afternoon (revised)
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jerotich
| This poem is inspired by Saint's Cafe (State College, PA)
| Subdued Mediterranean aqua | 1 |
walls have hosted so many | 2 |
hushed, earnest voices | 3 |
who slowly unwind the daily significances | 4 |
rolled up in shopping list living | 5 |
and traffic-light ponderings. | 6 |
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Musings waft on the | 7 |
heady coffee aroma and | 8 |
whirring espresso machine atmosphere. | 9 |
Finally aired here, wonderings | 10 |
trickle slowly down, safe | 11 |
from bustling Rolodex life outside. | 12 |
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Coffee steam curls upward. | 13 |
Percolating grounds | 14 |
draw out words as | 15 |
friends share fragrant exchanges, | 16 |
steeping meaning from | 17 |
the dry routines of living. | 18 |
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28 Apr 05 |
Rated 9 (8) by 1 users.
Active (1):
Inactive (2): 7, 8, 9
(define the words in this poem)
(23 more poems by this author)
(1 user considers this poem a favorite)
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Add A Comment:
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Comments:
i like it, its good, not amazing for me, but i get it. All except the question mark. Why?
I guess the only thing here that makes me feel lukewarm is the fact there really isnt a whole lot here.
You could go on longer, expressing more "dry routine of living", making it more interesting, because it IS interesting, but (in my opinion) incomplete. so i guess i wont rate.
— duffyj83
I really like the straight-forward imagery here; the idea presented is easily accessible, and the word-choice and sound here is excellent. There are, however, two areas I hope the poet would look at: in lines 4 & 5, "daily significances" and "mundane living" are just too abstract for me, as a reader, to really sink my teeth into. I'd rather something more concrete. Finally, the last lines might be better served with some simplification: while "Steeping meaning from/the dry routines of living" might suit the sound & pace of the poem, even "of living" is an abstraction: I just think it would be a stronger finish if it read, "Steeping meaning from/dry routines."
Thanks,
— mikkirat
i like your poem
— bettalpha
I finally revised this. It has some more original and concrete descriptions, now, I think. If any of the original commenters check back here, I'm curious to hear what you think of the changes.
— jerotich
Are you shitting me?
I'm from State College. I go to Saints.
Unbelievable!
— root
PS-- thanks for your comment on my poem. I think this landmark event means we have to meet in person, but I will wait to see how you feel.
This might be the first time two poets from PC have met by chance in the real world.
I'm tripping on coincidence.
— root
And amidst all of that I failed to mention how good this piece is.
Please; email me if you are interested in getting coffee or something. If you prefer anonymity that's ok, I'll leave it up to you.
— root
One final note: my profile links are broken because root is set aside for admin.
To access my profile, and email: http://poetry.tetto.org/~r oot%/
— root
Let me try that one more time...
http://poetry.tetto.org/ root%20/
That should work. If not, I'll email you.
— root
thanks root. a fellow saint's lover. what a small world! you'll be getting an e-mail.
— jerotich
Creative imagery, vivid presentation of the setting
— weps
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