| Psychosis of My Mother Passive Patience of My Father
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SweetPain
| Enraged with swift expression she turns to fire | 1 |
lit words pierce emotions tender | 2 |
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She tells me how useless horrible I am | 3 |
Her fury spits words | 4 |
coated in stomach acid. | 5 |
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later she comes to say I love you and leaves | 6 |
a reminder that I need to correct myself | 7 |
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A famous line from an infamous hypocrite | 8 |
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I do not answer to her stupidity | 9 |
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I have the sudden urge to raise a fist, but | 10 |
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passively I ignore her suggestion. | 11 |
Ten minutes later she is screaming at my father; | 12 |
it's the misplaced dishcloth this time. Patiently allows | 13 |
her yelps to echo around the house and then to reach | 14 |
back to his awareness. | 15 |
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And he will return the dishcloth to it's rightful place (for now). | 16 |
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Mother needs my constant reassurance | 17 |
I must compliment at her every whim | 18 |
How do I look? | 19 |
Am I a good mother? | 20 |
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I reply with what she'd like to hear | 21 |
for I only want her to leave me be. | 22 |
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And I ask my friends the following day | 23 |
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How do I look? | 24 |
Am I a good friend? | 25 |
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thankyou to everyone who helped with the revisions of this poem.
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30 Apr 05 |
Rated 10 (8.7) by 1 users.
Active (1): 8, 10
Inactive (7): 4, 7, 8, 9, 10, 10
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Comments:
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— unknown
Dear Sweetpain
this is an excellent treatment of a difficult subject which i can empathise with. My mother sounds like she was the opposite of your with all her emotional trauma and baggage locked in so tight that we all felt(in our family )that we were doing something wrong or we never quite measured up . This was conveyed to us by her moods and constant looks of disapproval combined with an inability to embrace the fact that children grow and change and yearned for freedom from the emotional chains she had wrapped round us. 10 for courage.
Larry sins of the family Lark
— unknown
thankyou so much larrylark, i often wonder why my mother is not happy.
— unknown
oh, this is wonderful, the matter of this subject is so personal, and you've made it seem real to others, well at least me, I applaud you
— Velvet
aww thanx Velvet. it feels so good when people appreciate something that means so much to me.
— SweetPain
no more comments.....?
— SweetPain
AWESOME SHIT!!
— unknown
thank you unknown!!!
— SweetPain
*o my*
you've caught the dragon by more than the tail - nearly swallowed it, and spit it out here for us to see -> beautiful and scary
i suggest minor edits only:
lines 4 & 5
Her fury spits words
coated in stomach acid.
i think this might make it more active, more threatening
lines 13, 14, 15
it's the misplaced dishcloth this time. Patiently allows
her yelps to echo around the house and then to reach
back to his awareness.
eliminating "he" from 13 tightens the line -- twiddling line breaks emphasizes yelps and reaching
back ... part visual, part sound
in any case, no matter what, this is very good.
— Bloodfetish
:)
— unknown
aww thanx BloodFetish.
— SweetPain
Good.
.. I have a strange urge to invert l5 into acid stomach.
— Cloudless
lol i dont think that would make sense cloudless, but its an intresting idea anyhow. thanks for the comment.
— SweetPain
in the title: patience* is spelled wrong.
— unknown
thanks for that unknown.
— SweetPain
I relate to this a lot only my dad has a bit of hypocritical psychosis too ;-). It really sucks. I like this poem a lot. It will be in my faves.
— lonelygirl
**********
Like looking into an unflattering mirror. I could be the mother in this poem. Ouch!
It's horrible-glorious. It's true true true. Beautifully constructed. If I were your mother, I would so so proud of you.
— graceinmtl
"Psychosis" is incorrectly spelled in the title. Sad topic, one many can relate to.
— Saldebar
i really appreciate your comments lonelygirl and gracinmtl, they really make writing worth while. and thanks for the correction Saldebar!
— SweetPain
Your writing is brilliant, I can taste the sourness in your Mother's heart...like my own Mother...and I am a Mother myself, and very unsoured, although I used to be, I found the anecdote, haha!...she inspires me to write as well...GREAT JOB!
— jenakajoffer
aww man, thats so sweet jenakajoffer. you made my craptacular day, a little better. :D im humbled, that you could relate.
— SweetPain
I think this is so, so, SO good.
I have a Mother. I am a Mother. We so need to hear this stuff.
— CervusWright
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