poetry critical

online poetry workshop

On Reflection

Glissando swan,
glimpsed on gleaming
silver lake.
Heart breaking
distant misty ballerina
glides on brittle glass;
light gleams across
still sheen.
Mast of sailing ship
slips past, clipping
headland of papier
maché mountain.
Lit cigarette clouds up
threatening weather.
Black ash slashes
grey smoke -
a shroud, tarred, yellow.
Volcanic eruption
shudders the swan,
rudderless ship
falls off table top
cliff, trodden underfoot,
careless cigarette end
drains the silver lake.  
Sun switched off.
Silence reigns.
Distant rhythmic
rumble becomes
an earthquake
boring down on
a bedroom shore.

1 May 05

Rated 7.3 (8.8) by 3 users.
Active (3): 8
Inactive (4): 5, 8, 9, 9, 10, 10

(define the words in this poem)
(736 more poems by this author)

(1 user considers this poem a favorite)

Add A Comment:
Enter the following text to post as unknown: captcha


A little world in miniature; a metaphor for the big world and the way you sustain this all the way through is great -  good move from the peace of the sibilant 's' to the disquieting 'k's and 'b's of the last two stanzas.
 — unknown

Wonderful, vivid imagry.  Gives me something to look up to.
 — midare

I like this. The way you have this written is flawless. It flows, nicely. Good work.
 — Hear

Dear Hear

Thanks,your comment is much appreciated
 — larrylark

WOW!! amazing,........i like the way u use metaphors to represent what is goin on in the bedroom shore! quite amazing
 — crismonblue

This is so good, can't believe it's been here for over a year and I missed it.  

I find the sounds very soothing, although I would not try to read it aloud in front of anyone!  Tongue twisting but very musical.  The last line made me hurt suddenly.
 — Isabelle5

Hi Isabelle

I hid it away cus i lost the original draft when the house burned down but i rebuilt it as a bungalow out of Lego bricks and reforged the poem and posted it especially for someone of taste and discernment to read.

Larry waiting game Lark
 — larrylark

Dear crismonblue

Thanks for the positive response.

Larry in flames lark
 — larrylark

What a stunning opening - 'Glissando swan'.
The whole poem is great, perfectly worded.
Thanks, Will x
 — sisotowbel