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On Reflection
larrylark

Glissando swan,
 1
glimpsed on gleaming
 2
silver lake.
 3
Heart breaking
 4
distant misty ballerina
 5
glides on brittle glass;
 6
light gleams across
 7
still sheen.
 8
 
 
Mast of sailing ship
 9
slips past, clipping
 10
headland of papier
 11
maché mountain.
 12
Lit cigarette clouds up
 13
threatening weather.
 14
Black ash slashes
 15
grey smoke -
 16
a shroud, tarred, yellow.
 17
 
 
Volcanic eruption
 18
shudders the swan,
 19
rudderless ship
 20
falls off table top
 21
cliff, trodden underfoot,
 22
careless cigarette end
 23
drains the silver lake.  
 24
 
 
Sun switched off.
 25
Silence reigns.
 26
Distant rhythmic
 27
rumble becomes
 28
an earthquake
 29
boring down on
 30
a bedroom shore.
 31

1 May 05

Rated 7.3 (8.8) by 3 users.
Active (3): 8, 10
Inactive (4): 5, 8, 9, 9, 10

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Comments:

A little world in miniature; a metaphor for the big world and the way you sustain this all the way through is great -  good move from the peace of the sibilant 's' to the disquieting 'k's and 'b's of the last two stanzas.
 — unknown

Wonderful, vivid imagry.  Gives me something to look up to.
 — midare

I like this. The way you have this written is flawless. It flows, nicely. Good work.
 — Hear

Dear Hear

Thanks,your comment is much appreciated
 — larrylark

WOW!! amazing,........i like the way u use metaphors to represent what is goin on in the bedroom shore! quite amazing
 — crismonblue

This is so good, can't believe it's been here for over a year and I missed it.  

I find the sounds very soothing, although I would not try to read it aloud in front of anyone!  Tongue twisting but very musical.  The last line made me hurt suddenly.
 — Isabelle5

Hi Isabelle

I hid it away cus i lost the original draft when the house burned down but i rebuilt it as a bungalow out of Lego bricks and reforged the poem and posted it especially for someone of taste and discernment to read.

Larry waiting game Lark
 — larrylark

Dear crismonblue

Thanks for the positive response.

Larry in flames lark
 — larrylark

What a stunning opening - 'Glissando swan'.
The whole poem is great, perfectly worded.
Thanks, Will x
 — sisotowbel

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