| A Letter from the Elders
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themolly
| Experimentalists, | 1 |
| 2 |
Experiment. You have to, you were made to. | 3 |
We | 4 |
Know | 5 |
You | 6 |
Better | 7 |
Than | 8 |
Even | 9 |
You | 10 |
Do............ | 11 |
You will do what you were born to do. | 12 |
| 13 |
Don't lose your focus. There are so many others counting on you. Your free will, that "volition", was given in faith to you. It was not your decision to prealign this that's happening to you. There were so many of us who made you. | 14 |
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This is what it is, a flawless synthesis, just go with it. Even if your natural way is to ride it out high on the edge almost off it. Just don't come all off it. We are all leaning on you. | 15 |
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Experiment. You have to, you were made to. | 16 |
We | 17 |
Know | 18 |
You | 19 |
Better | 20 |
Than | 21 |
Even | 22 |
You | 23 |
Do............ | 24 |
You will do what you were born to do. | 25 |
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1 May 05 |
Rated 5.9 (6.3) by 9 users.
Active (9): 10, 10, 10, 10
Inactive (3): 1, 1, 1, 2, 5, 7, 8, 9
(define the words in this poem)
(51 more poems by this author)
(1 user considers this poem a favorite)
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Add A Comment:
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Comments:
This is a song. I have to say, it's much more effective when sung.
— themolly
I find it helpful to make sure your lyrics speak to people regardless of whether they are being sung or not. Remember lyrics are just poems in musical form. You can always read well-written lyrics from the liner-notes and they are still touching even though you can't necessarily hear the singer's voice. It may be easier to control the emphasis on certain points in the piece, or give a certain aesthetic quality to certain phrases when singing but it is very possible to write a song that has good stand alone lyrics.
With that said,
Lines 1-3: These are really uninspiring lines with which to begin this. They seem to be trying to capture some idea of inspiration that for me at least fails.
Line 4: I guess this might spark a philosophical debate about the compatibility of free will and determination, but I find this line to be redundant as free will implies the ability or act of choice which is what volition is. So I don't think the word is necessary. And I guess if you don't have free will it's rather difficult to choose, actually impossible.
Line 8: How so? You should probably elaborate on the effort of others in the success of this individual.
Line 9: I'm not a fan of this line. It seems to be added only for the rhyme with synthesis.
Line 19 - 24: This doesn't really seem to follow with the rest of the piece. It's like you've now seperated yourself from the others you group yourself with in the earlier parts of this piece.
I think this still needs a lot of work. Most of it is pretty vague and pretty much devoid of any elaboration or imagery. I didn't really enjoy it.
— Resonanz
Love it Mooly very good
— HeidiHo
I like this as well. I like use of volition, and stanza 1 almost sounds like an incantation. I keep wanting to put the 3rd sentence 1st, though, and I think it can do with a little more imagery and specifics. Stanza 2 I'm not sure about. Decapitalize IS and let it stand out for itself; I like the rythym into flawless synthesis. There are too many 'it's in that stanza, however. I got confused with what they were referring to. Great start, though.
-dspeaking
— unknown
Thanks so much.
— themolly
You know-the more I look at this, the more I agree with you. Let's see...
— themolly
i hate you guys
— unknown
you must have really pissed someone with alot of time on their hands off
— BoundFeet
This raises a lot of relevant questions.
— tiedtoes
ooo la la sassoon
— Estrella
lol - you can Never Know a person...or type of person.....only the face they ALLOW you to see........and some will tip toe side to side and play all borders......with never a chance of glimpsing the truth behind the reasonings....overall a poke easily read...gifted with dillusions of the grandiose
— unknown
You can if you built that person from the beginning.
I was afraid no one would get this, and despite the high ratings, I feel as though the were bestowed in confusion....if I don't get it, it must be deeper than me.
This is a letter from all the souls that were too afraid to come to Earth. They are watching all of us, learning from our mistakes and planning our routes.
— unknown
I didn't know that's what this was about. Neato.
— BoundFeet
i don't like this very much. sorry. i can't even see a way to improve it. it is sort of empty.
to me. please don't hate me.
— noodleman
This is totally rubbish, unexperimental crap.
— unknown
thanks not really
— unknown
I love how you wrote this ^.^
— Hidden_words
Now to me, this says a lot.
How does the audience react to the song, I'd concentrate on that if I were you, it will be the mood and music that makes or breaks this I think... personally I always edit based on how I feel as I perform- where the emphasis is, a little repetition etc... good luck with this... I hope musically you are experimental... and can get your intentions here across.
There are a number of singer song writers this reminds me of so make sure you do your homework...goodluck.
— unknown
awww thanks
— themolly
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