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Sensing Spring
soulfull

frail day, feet dangle off the edge
 1
then eyes lower
 2
wanting hopelessly, shamelessly,
 3
to discover something more substantial
 4
less slick and defined
 5
than the dirt imprisoned by ice.
 6
 
 
would that you were gone, shoes!
 7
and if only you, toes, were bare, wriggling
 8
released into luscious melting.
 9
 
 
delicate moment, body stands, anticipating a
 10
fall in pure release,
 11
sight closing, soaking up drops of sheer desire.
 12
slight veil, vision: be shed!
 13
show me, strong passion--
 14
 
 
touch me.
 15
undress yourself,
 16
land of thick and dirty flesh
 17
soft supple curves desperately succeeding
 18
in a brave, honest seduction.
 19

5 Mar 03

Rated 8 (8) by 4 users.
Active (4): 6, 6, 10, 10
Inactive (3): 7, 8, 9

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Comments:

This sounds very good indeed. The imagery and style of your writing flows brilliantly, and your choice of wording drew me in. Well done.
 — Moose

Well done.
 — Rull

thank you both :)
is there anything i could do to make this poem better?
 — soulfull

Excellant! I like substance in words. I read each stanza twice and then back again.
 — unknown

i have the image of dangling feet.....cool.
 — tinkerman

Write more...please!
 — tinkerman

this is great, a beautiful hymn and a passionate love call for spring.
 — nisetru

i like this.
: )
 — fractalcore
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