| To the little girl who put her teddy bear in the wash at the laundromat last Thursday evening
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etcetera
| life - the single cell division | 1 |
insistent pushing crowded. | 2 |
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stolen away. hidden in boxes | 3 |
memories photographed | 4 |
evidence of the being. | 5 |
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terrific, terrifying, reverting | 6 |
back. always to | 7 |
where it started when | 8 |
you were you. | 9 |
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you're back, down to four foot ten | 10 |
tall. one day one year | 11 |
pushing your back up against | 12 |
the wall, comparing yourself | 13 |
judging yourself. | 14 |
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It startsimmediately | 15 |
twocells become four | 16 |
it startsimmediately | 17 |
those fourcells become two. | 18 |
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you're stuck.stuffed. | 19 |
inside out. breathless. | 20 |
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3 May 05 |
Rated 7.6 (7.7) by 9 users.
Active (9): 1, 7, 7, 8, 9, 9, 10
Inactive (15): 1, 3, 4, 5, 5, 8, 8, 9, 9, 9, 9, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10
(define the words in this poem)
(36 more poems by this author)
(9 users consider this poem a favorite)
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Comments:
I dont even wanna try to figure this out...
~d-mart
— unknown
I liked the previous title better.
— unknown
rating now ... commenting later ... amazement and sleep still has me gripped
— Bloodfetish
WOW. ABSOLUTELY.
I LOVETHIS. THANK YOU IT'S SO BEAUTIFUL.
13-14 ABSOLUTE.
15-18 ASBOLUTE.
I HAVE FAVORITED.
— OKcomputer
LET ME LET YOU.
NO.
THIS IS AN WONDERFUL ART. THIS IS AN ART. IF I AM EVER TO FLY FOR HOURS ON AN AIRPLANE, I AM GOING TO PRINT THIS OUT AND READ IT OVER MORE THAN ONCE. I WILL READ IT FOR HOURS AND THEN,
— OKcomputer
Hey... this is unique. (which is saying a LOT)
I especially liked the title.
— aforbing
15-18. i have to cry now because thats true.
— noodleman
it was 19 and 20 that yanked me
hard this is a tight view
i even like the gymnastics
— Bloodfetish
Wow, here come the thanks:
Okcomputer, thanks for the enthusiastic comments. I'm glad you enjoyed it.
aforbing, thanks for that. I was very unsure about what the title was getting across, but I guess it works.
noodleman, thank god you found truth in it. I was worried I was going crazy.
Bloodfetish, thank you, thank you, thank you!
— etcetera
too true, wonderful dust.
— onklcrispy
this poem will huant me the rest of the night, in a good way.
— onklcrispy
Okay, explain for those dyslexic (and stupid) amoung us. Is this a picture? Is this the teddy in the tub being spun and whizzed? Give it up!
— unknown
For some reason, I like this. Can't point out anything specific, just something sticking with me, even the format.
— MissMay
i'm not a fan of these strange poems with these odd spacing formats. i think they are ridiculous. the excessive spacing of words, or lack of spacing, seems silly. It's like a cry of "look at me!, i'm unique!" [forgive me, existential...assuming you're an attention grabbing artistic whore] so please, get over yourself because you're not unique...i've seen plenty of poems written like this.
im giving this a 5. i enjoyed the growth process, the description of her growth, starting from measurement of cell division after conception to the photographs to the lines on her wall. well done. i would suggest switching the second stanza and the fifth, to give a more chronological feel.
-dan
— unknown
oh , my goodness your poem is so deep and amoustional
— unknown
Dear Dan,
&n bsp; You are a piece of shit. Spacing of words in a poem like this is done so it flows (aesthetically) the way that the writer wants it to. I dont even know where to start because you are saying that presenting artwork a certain way is a cry for attention. It's meant for presentation. You're not an acclaimed art or literature critic, you are some guy on your computer who is apparently letting people know that they aren't writting poems the way you want. Get over yourself. You're not unique. I've seen plenty of assholes like you.
-exitmusic
— unknown
owned
— unknown
oh my! someone call the criticism police! opinions have been forbidden on the internet! I don't see the aesthetic factors of this piece. I see just a random mess of potential. If the author of this piece wrote it without the strange spacing, would it receive the same glorifying comments? Like composing a piece of music, i firmly believe that a great song should sound as great when played on a single piano, or guitar. Just as a poem in its simplest form should be as good as in its complex form.
Its my opinion, my criticism of this piece. Deal with it.
— unknown
yes thats my comment above.
love dan.
— unknown
hhmmmmmm. i think i like this. i'm not too sure though.
— themolly
slight edit. good? yes/no?
thanks for all complimentary comments (and otherwise) made after my previous
"thank you"'s.
Dan - I, myself, sometimes feel that excessive spacing feels awkward. Not only to read, but write as well. This poem, however, was simply written that way, scrawled out on a piece of paper and I felt that I should try to keep the rawness of it. If it seems to be a cry for attention, that may be because the poem itself is a cry for attention. Thank you for your comments, I'll take the suggested stanza change into consideration.
— etcetera
I don't get the teddy bear part.
— unknown
I dont think that all poems should require the reader to beat their head against the wall to get it.
And shame, you had such a good title.
— meaka
dan sounds a wittle high stwung.
— unknown
Love the style, the spacing and the scheme, beautifully done.
— likwidoxigen
line 13-
wall, comparing? maybe?
i like the form of the rest, but i think a space might be needed in 13
other than that.. nice work!
— thirdeyris
clever
— kaleidazcope
GAY GAY GAY GAY!!!!!
— unknown
a little interesting..but..well no I didn't like it that much
— unknown
I like it...to me the life cycle is overshadowed by the thought that nothing truely ever changes, and I like something that can put that through in an intelligent manner. If you're crying for being unique you should stop, :P, unique or not, it's a good poem.
— Rasio
some good parts and some bad.
— unknown
Convoluted and confusing but i love some of the imagery
— larrylark
man, this is so good. sounds like onklcrispy. except worser (no offence)
— tearsofblood
goddamn this is great
— crepaway
I'm flying to new york in one month.
Remember that old comment I made?
I'm printing this out right now.
— OKcomputer
Still intriguing after all this time.
— Isabelle5
etcetera etcetera etcetera as the king said...
— unknown
I can't see anyway I would ever want this changed.
Ever.
I would print it off and carry it with me forever if my printer wasn't anti-heterosexual. *grumbles under breath*.
I love it.
A lot.
Mhm.
— MEB
i think that it has alot of meaning to it and it is soooo wonderful. luv it!
— unknown
your poem is kind of horrrible i don't care for this shit much sry i'm sure your nice though
— unknown
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