Comments:
i like it all, except L 11, the word gold bothers me... i'd like to see it be a hoop of something more abstract.
i really enjoyed it. I think i've been feeling this (first stanza) way myself lately. i'm gonna rate this one: 8
— JessieVideo
It feels slightly incomplete, like an ending is missing.
Several cliches but they work here mainly because it's a cliched question being asked, I think.
I think hoop of brass would be better, as merry-go-rounds have the brass ring that supposedly if you catch, you get a free ride around.
Maybe Lately and these days is redundant? Lately implies these days. Drop the semi end of line 2 and change it to a comma before which. You might want to delete the & sign and begin that line with I. And drop shining, as gold is already shiny.
I'm sorry, I like this but I have to critique, it's my job as a site person! Again with the semi colon end of line 11? Not needed, just a comma would do better.
The ending isn't quite an ending or else you missed something at the beginning. It might help to know if this is an ex lover, friend, etc.
— Isabelle5
Aw. Such a sweet sadness. Wanting to shed tears and to smile at once. It's too bad things are the way they are.
— silentscream
Simplicity always wins. Bravo.
— leah
There is something so beautiful, so perfect about this poem.
Contrary to what one person said, it feels complete to me. Don't change a thing.
— unknown
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