poetry critical

online poetry workshop



(FOTO FRIDAY 13) The Kornflake Kid (new version)
unknown

It
 1
was
 2
a long
 3
time ago
 4
 
 
I was a winner
 5
 
 
the proudest box of
 6
cornflakes at the fancy
 7
dress parade. In fact I was
 8
the only box of cornflakes and
 9
my little sister was the only
 10
strawberry.
 11
 
 
The competition was pretty stiff and included
 12
a box of daz, a wicked witch, a goat that resembled
 13
a famous celebrity, a man dressed as a woman
 14
an upside down clown and a giant spider with
 15
its flies undone.
 16
 
 
Grandad had great difficulty reaching his decision
 17
and was slow handclapped when
 18
his pipe broke down.
 19
 
 
We were a one horse, one hearse
 20
one channel town, and on a clear day
 21
could see Africa and even Alan Whicker without
 22
a flicker on our bush TV. And everyone
 23
knew everyone and nobody harmed nobody
 24
and somebody was always pinching
 25
Bunty Pareshape's bottom.
 26
 
 
Next day, to celebrate, mother made us her
 27
special pudding of starey, squarey, sponge boys and custard
 28
with 'all new' half cherry mouths and rag doll physics.
 29
We mashed them to a pulp and drank
 30
lots of lemonade.
 31



http://www.brownglasses.com/?id=273

3 May 05

Rated 10 (8.5) by 1 users.
Active (1): 10
Inactive (5): 4, 5, 9, 10, 10

(define the words in this poem)

(1 user considers this poem a favorite)



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Comments:

Bunty Pearshape!!
line19 is sooo good.
wunndirfuel, vunderbar!
this is an glorious eccstatic orb you have tamed and brought to poetry zooilogical.
like a guy in a bear costume mopping the pavement, intresting with just a hint o' flemon!
hahahaha i said 'flemon'!!
 — onklcrispy

did you also write mr.wispy? i love that too phantomas!
 — onklcrispy

guilty yer honor ;)
 — unknown

this is just great.

great i tell you. i have my reasons. but i've typed my fingers off tonight. so you'll just have to take my word for it. that i have very good reasons. all fully supportable. (ie: i'm cashing in on usually detailed crits to offer a piss poor one this time) sorry.

kaleidazcope
 — unknown

I'll gladly take your word for it, K.
Thks vry much.
 — unknown

This is an amazing collage of images that will take days for me to sort through, I'll have to put it in my favorites so it will be easy to find.
 — SharonH

Thanks for the ten but would prefer a comment even if it was a shit one.
 — unknown

Sorry, Sharon, completely forgot to thank you for your comment.  Hope you're still, at least, a teeny weeny bit amazed,  cheeers :).
 — unknown

i'll add a score to go with my comment
 — kaleidazcope

Cornflakes are suprisingly good for you and only cost you 2 points for a serving.  Yes, aforbing is on Weight Watchers.  Don't tell anyone!
This is a nice poem.  Mkaes me want lemonade.
 — aforbing

Halfway between getting on and getting off,
but I'd say this one gets on the bus quite nicely.

Stop posting anonymous.
I think I hate you. :)

(I'm just jealous)

The last two lines are brilliant.

Cornflake lickin' good.
 — wendz

This is a wonderful poem with such feel for childhood it almost made me weep for the one i lost so long ago
 — larrylark

enjoyed.
 — unknown

Thanks for all the comments.  Unk, you've just reminded me that I'd forgotten to post revised version, so here it is. cheers :)
 — unknown

hehe
 — chuckle_s

cheers, chuck :)
 — unknown

i like this for its poetry. very nice work.
 — listen

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 — 0125caihuali

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