| sea shade (a fauxku)
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Virgil
| deep sea submarine | 1 |
leaving the light of heaven | 2 |
into the abyss | 3 |
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I wrote this a long time ago...not that short poems are hard to remember.
*edit: removed haiku from title/comment |
4 May 05 |
Rated 9 (8.3) by 2 users.
Active (2): 8
Inactive (3): 8, 8, 9, 10
(define the words in this poem)
(59 more poems by this author)
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Comments:
i really like this, i a good haiku is hard to find
— timbosys
isnt this a senryu? jus curious.
— noodleman
i better ask aforbing. it will know.
— noodleman
Not really haiku, but I like it anyway.
— housepoppy
Why not haiku? Nature, 5-7-5?
— Isabelle5
ps i cant give you a rating cus i dont like high kooz and it wouldnt bee faire. i can oly make remarks like thees one.
newdulmanne
— unknown
A submarine is not nature, but man-made. And (traditional) haiku is supposed to be something actually observed by the poet; this was not.
I spent four years of my life working on a submarine. I do like this.
— housepoppy
Oh btw, and I have two "haiku" posted that are really not haiku because they were not actual observations.
— housepoppy
bless you!
— noodleman
i like your poem
— bettalpha
I think more than observations, haiku need to be nature inclined, or at least use nature as a metaphor. Traditional haiku however, do not use metaphor or any sort of comparisons. What is written is what is meant, although symbolism does feature very heavily in them.
— unknown
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