poetry critical

online poetry workshop


I walk the long road
and trip upon the speed bumps.
I take the short road
and trip upon the short cuts.

7 May 05

Rated 8 (7.4) by 1 users.
Active (1): 8, 8, 10
Inactive (9): 4, 5, 5, 6, 9, 9, 9

(define the words in this poem)
(47 more poems by this author)

(3 users consider this poem a favorite)

Add A Comment:
Enter the following text to post as unknown: captcha


cool poem.  i like it.  makes sense too.  (; good jorb.
 — ducktape

How about this

I walk the long road and trip upon
the speed bumps.

I take
the short road
and trip up
on the short

It breaks it some more and adds some texture to the meaning.  Just an idea.
 — unknown

but if i did that it would ruin the flow. *Jittery*
 — unknown

 — SweetxMemory

i suppose that would be okay, too.  i sorta like the one you decided to post better.  the rhythm works better, regardless of the texture of the poem's meaning.  don't get me wrong though, i also like the other version as well.  good sense in trying to give it more meaning, and it is a good idea.  but after reading your first posting, i still prefer the first.  good jorb once again, and keep on writing!  (;
 — ducktape

than ducktape :)
 — jittery

no more comments?
 — jittery

Hey, nice and simple!  Concrete (trips and bloodies nose)
 — Isabelle5

Clever poem which says much about lifes traffic and the extreme difficulty of negotiating it.
 — larrylark

i love your poem
 — bettalpha

wow thanx guys!
 — jittery

Cute Poem I like it....
 — Candy_Girl

thanks for that
 — jittery

blah go shit bricks.
 — unknown

So, basically, stay where you are!!! Great poem, jittery!
 — JustineCH

Wow 4 lines and impressive too. Just 4 lines but says a lot...

Good Job.

and thx Justine to bringing it to my attention. Loved it.
 — trochee

tank you guys.
 — jittery

and galls :-)
 — JustineCH

 — psychofemale