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cool poem. i like it. makes sense too. (; good jorb.
How about this
I walk the long road and trip upon
the speed bumps.
the short road
and trip up
on the short
It breaks it some more and adds some texture to the meaning. Just an idea.
but if i did that it would ruin the flow. *Jittery*
i suppose that would be okay, too. i sorta like the one you decided to post better. the rhythm works better, regardless of the texture of the poem's meaning. don't get me wrong though, i also like the other version as well. good sense in trying to give it more meaning, and it is a good idea. but after reading your first posting, i still prefer the first. good jorb once again, and keep on writing! (;
than ducktape :)
no more comments?
Hey, nice and simple! Concrete (trips and bloodies nose)
Clever poem which says much about lifes traffic and the extreme difficulty of negotiating it.
i love your poem
wow thanx guys!
Cute Poem I like it....
thanks for that
blah go shit bricks.
So, basically, stay where you are!!! Great poem, jittery!
Wow 4 lines and impressive too. Just 4 lines but says a lot...
and thx Justine to bringing it to my attention. Loved it.
tank you guys.
and galls :-)