| Mama Just Listen
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SweetPain
| Not another tear to fall. | 1 |
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Our final song of pain | 2 |
and toil. No longer do I cry | 3 |
in agony. | 4 |
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I seeth this repression, | 5 |
then scream | 6 |
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what I feel. | 7 |
Have I entered your comprehension? | 8 |
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8 May 05 |
Rated 6 (6.7) by 2 users.
Active (2): 4, 8
Inactive (3): 1, 8, 8
(define the words in this poem)
(108 more poems by this author)
(1 user considers this poem a favorite)
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Comments:
it's a good idea.
— divinity
thanx divinity.
— SweetPain
it's a good idea, SP ... i'd like to see it shorter, more like clenched teeth.
Not another tear to fall.
Our final song of pain
and toil. No longer cry
agony. I eat my anger,
and tell you what I feel.
Do you understand?
----------------------
that's just me, though ... i have a penchant for tight language and images.
— unknown
oops ... that was me
— Bloodfetish
i took your idea and put my spin on it. thanx a bunch Bloodfetish.
— SweetPain
i like your spin, SP ... nicely done
i think i liked understanding better than comprehension
i know i like your work
— Bloodfetish
thanx Bloodfetish, that just turned my frown upside down.
— SweetPain
no more comments?
— SweetPain
you need to work on line breaks. this is distracting.
— unknown
i already did. but thanks anyway unknown.
— SweetPain
Seething repression doesn't work well.
You don't have sentences, though, just bits of lines, it seems.
Not another tear falls
in our final song of pain and toil.
Cries of agony repressed
until I scream.
Does that get your attention?
— unknown
the ending yes, the rest not so much.
— SweetPain
do you like it this way unknown?
— SweetPain
What does the poem have to do with the title? The words sound more like a breaking up with a boyfriend than anything to a mother.
I seeth - is that seeth, like boil or see-eth, like old English see?
That is such an awkward word to use here.
What's wrong with simple thoughts, something someone would actually say? No one talks like this.
I don't really even get what you want your mother to know.
— Isabelle5
i dont want her to know anything, this is depicting an ongoing struglle between us. where i held back , so i wouldnt hurt her or cause her to anger. - SweetPain -
— unknown
do you understand now?
— SweetPain
See-eth or seeth? Which is it?
— Isabelle5
seeth
— unknown
tweeked, you like?
— SweetPain
ehh
— unknown
are you confused unknown?
— SweetPain
oh yah mama
another one bites the dust
we will we will rock you rock you
freddy on Mercury
— unknown
Wow, dude.. It took me loads of wordy diarrhoea (see Umbilical Residue :P) to get the same sentiment across - confusion, loss, invisibility (that's what resonates for me anyway, when I read this). Mine had more history, but you've made me see that it needn't have. Wonderous. Loved it in admiration - saved to favourites.
— CervusWright
thanks a lot for the comment unknown and CervusWright!! you guys made my day.
— SweetPain
i don't fukin get this
but if i had to fukin guess
i'd bet my fukin life that this skirts incest in a real fukin lame way
— unknown
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