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Mistaken Suicide
Ekubo

Forgive me Father for I have sinned
 1
I am faced with the hate locked within
 2
I long for the courage
 3
To end this pain and rage
 4
My soul is gone, I have nothing to lose
 5
These times are so hard to choose
 6
Life is unfair sometimes, don't make me go on
 7
This time just let me die
 8
You don't know what I feel inside
 9
I'm sorry about yesterday
 10
I'm sorry about today
 11
I'm sorry I threw all my chances away
 12
Have mercy
 13
I'm going crazy
 14
The joy has faded and I'm hazy
 15
Playing games with my head
 16
Should I go with words unsaid?
 17
Does Mom know I love her?
 18
Do my friends know I care?
 19
Will they understand this pain I could not bare?
 20
Why am I hesitating?
 21
I just want to go
 22
Watch there is nothing to it
 23
The blade is in it's place and a vain has been hit
 24
Oh God, why didn't I miss?!
 25

9 Mar 03

Rated 3.7 (4.5) by 3 users.
Active (3): 1, 5, 5
Inactive (1): 4

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(15 more poems by this author)


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i hope writing is merely a catharsis for you. vein not vain. email me if you really dwell on your subject. your unknown friend.
 — mtw

oh my..
 — xsadxstarx

Another suicide poem. That rhymes. It can only get older.
 — FangzOfFire

THATS DEEP MAN.
 — unknown

Your rhyme scheme needs some work. It can't rhyme inconsistently like this if you want it to be perfect.
L7 is totally out of place with the rest of the poem, L10-12 all rhymes whereas the rest before it is in rhyming couplets apart from L7.
L20 bear not bare
L21 -25 has no meter, rhyme or rhythm.
You have potential but need to work on polishing up your poetry, if it is to rhyme you must keep it tight and consistent. I'm not picking at you, I still have a habit of doing the same so I try and stay away from rhyme unless I can perfect it.
 — marieF

all poets dream of suicide. so, who are you writing for? Thanks for posting...
 — Trish77

Now you've purged your angst write a poem
 — unknown

Vain might be exactly right in line 24.  Ego and all that.

It is not this easy to slit a vein and bleed to death.  We are tougher than we appear.  This poem could be much better if you slow down and don't choke your feelings to death.  Remember that purging can mean you lose some good stuff with the bad so be careful when writing is only about the purge!
 — Isabelle5
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