poetry critical : poem

Capitalize What Counts... right?

its mediocracy at its best	1
its white picket fences seperating Hondas from Hummers	2
you sold out on your childhood dreams	3
to relocate in middle America	4
mixed up on aged Scotch and	5
paying to have the milk delivered.	6

it only rains on this side of the fence	7
and nothing touches your brick house	8
with the solid Oak double doors	9
as it costs so much money to alienate the world around you	10
you'd change your name to Pierre or Vince	11
if the world didn't already know you as frank.	12

on this side of the fence you can't charge self-respect	13
but over there you can hide behind your Rolex	14
and buy your love at Tiffany's	15
lucky for you when they find out who you are	16
and when you fall from the Great Wall to our hand-planted grass	17
we'll dust you off.	18

16 May 05

Rated 8 (8.3) by 3 users.

Active (3): 7, 10
Inactive (2): 7, 8, 10

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infinity
nikkimint55

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Comments:

good poem
— unknown

this is good. and clever.
last line is a mite long
— kaleidazcope

Last line *is* a touch long--purely for aestheticism's sake. The title is awful, I'd put that as a footnote if I were you, and have a more interesting title; your piece deserves it. Good piece of writing.
— wendz

aww. but the title is so clever wendz ; )
— kaleidazcope

It is--I didn't realise exactly *how* clever until I hit 'frank' (hehe literally), but still...*sighs* Your call, Mister Writer. :(
— wendz

i really like this, i love the writing style, something i write like alot. one of my favorites now.
— infinity

hand-planted grass has the awesomest sound.
— sassybnyss

OMG.
You wrote a poem for me, the CAPitalization Nazi.
I'm so fuckin' flattered.
No really--this is some REALLY good shit, here.
Nice job. I'm impressed. (Even if you didn't write it for me)
— aforbing

Thank you everyone for the comments, I am glad to know you all have enjoyed this piece...
— dmartin

revised the last line, let me know
— dmartin

I really like this. But if I were you, I'd eliminate all punctuation. I know, I know. Normally, I'm the punctuation Nazi, but this doesn't need it. If you decide to keep it, re-edit. There are a few places that require a comma or apostrophe to remain grammatically consistent.
— themolly

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