| algebra class and factoring jazz
|
Rixes
| to be read aloud
in a southern accent,
specifically the accent of one
with spearmint tea on their mind,
like georgia in the summertime
| it’s eleven o’clock, on the dot, | 1 |
and i still can’t remember | 2 |
how to tie | 3 |
my shoes. | 4 |
| |
it’s all that factoring | 5 |
j a z z | 6 |
that makes me fall asleep, | 7 |
daydreaming rain, | 8 |
in algebra class. | 9 |
| |
my shoes, | 10 |
they’re still untied, | 11 |
but what do i care? | 12 |
i’ve got rhythm; | 13 |
i’ve got music; | 14 |
i’ve got your ninety-minute lectures | 15 |
beating beneath my sand-dusted feet. | 16 |
| |
oh— | 17 |
how i can imagine you somewhere | 18 |
as a child, roaming the empty beaches of florida | 19 |
with those little shore pebbles stuck between your toes, | 20 |
and your prying eyes addicted to the lightning show | 21 |
dancing on the waves. | 22 |
| |
( have i ever told you that your eyes | 23 |
remind me of crystal meth | 24 |
or Rhein's silver wine? | 25 |
| |
well, now you know | 26 |
they do so, and that it | 27 |
happens all the time. ) | 28 |
| |
11:01. | 29 |
i can hear the j a z z | 30 |
riding on that easy wind | 31 |
and tap-dancing on the window seals. | 32 |
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is that you? | 33 |
blond-haired, | 34 |
gray-eyed, | 35 |
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playing saxophone for dimes | 36 |
at the Second Line? | 37 |
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[ it may be your son, | 38 |
jesus, | 39 |
at jackson square | 40 |
playing his slow songs and blue scales, | 41 |
hoping to one day find his missing | 42 |
daddy. ] | 43 |
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it’s like a tub of morass, man, | 44 |
that j a z z, | 45 |
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which we all get tangled in | 46 |
at least onceortwice | 47 |
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j u s t | 48 |
daydaydaydreaming | 49 |
rain. | 50 |
so, | 51 |
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why not fall in 'til we all swim with shoes tappin' wet and un | 52 |
tied. | 53 |
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16 May 05 |
Rated 8 (7.7) by 13 users.
Active (13): 3, 5, 9, 9, 9, 10, 10, 10
Inactive (41): 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 2, 2, 4, 5, 6, 6, 6, 7, 7, 7, 8, 8, 8, 8, 8, 9, 9, 9, 9, 9, 9, 9, 9, 9, 9, 9, 9, 9, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10
(define the words in this poem)
(138 more poems by this author)
(21 users consider this poem a favorite)
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Comments:
l14- hoping to one day find..?
nice poem, by the way
good imagery
— unknown
Um. Um. Um.
Um.
Wow?
— claudia
Oh my. This tickled my pickle. I know exactly what you were trying to do, and it's hilarious.
Omgooses.
I prefer the name Rhein, you know. :P But it's your poem, I suppose.
(Well, it is.)
— Rhein
I was actually going to put Rhein at first, but then stuttered at came out with Jacob. I'll change it, I suppose.
— unknown
On second read:
What is going on here?
Erm, line32 should be window. I think.
Crystal meth?
I think it should be "blond".
Very vivid imagery and a nice rhythm to the whole thing.
— claudia
Crystal Methamphetamine. It's a drug.
I'm not quite sure what's going on here. It just sort of appeared.
But, you, above all people, should be able to figure out my inspiration:
"factoring jazz"
"algebra class"
"beaches of florida"
Well... now that I think about it. Maybe you won't be able to figure it out. Oh well.
— Rixes
I know what crystal meth is. I just found it a bit strange in the context of this poem. :)
"factoring jazz"
"algebra class"
I "get" those two... and wait,
OH FLORIDA.
Yes.
— claudia
i lyke this poem.
— unknown
this is beautiful, Rixes. it made me laugh. it challenged me somewhat. this is one of my new favorite poems.
— CajunMoon
the ending is very good.
the shape works well.
good italics, and spacing.
i question 23 to 28, not in it's entirety but it's completeness. it's less strong than previous descriptions, and layers on the silver eyes thicker than it maybe they should be.
38 am i missing something with the introduction of jesus and their relationship to the rest of piece/girl?
46 i may personally have moved 'in' up a line. (52) the same comment with regards to the in (and maybe ditch the but)
there are various other small tweaks like that throughout, but i think you are capable of discovering them yourself over time, small punctuation issues and phrasing, line breaks etc.
overall very nice work.
— kaleidazcope
Mr. Kelly would be impressed...
nice decision to let jazz be your escape from algebra class. it was extra nice how you told us it was to be read, because that makes it much more original. excellent work my man.
— RiverBliss
Eyes and crystal meth is beautiful.
I thought this might have been claudia at first.
But the tone made me think "Hm".
Then I figured it was someone from New Orleans
(damn special water!),
then IT WAS RICKEY!.
You need to do something to give the last two lines
just a little more oomph. Just a little, but it deserves it.
You are wonderful, Rickey.
— wendz
i hate math.
— unknown
I've edited some.
— Rixes
LMAO , the crystal meth image is a little over, but it fits so well. What I mean by over, is that, he didn't get caught with crystal meth, it was pot, was it not?"
Gabriella
— unknown
I like this. Very, very, very much. However, the meth image was just too... too... erm... especially after seeing that Oprah show on it. It is meant for a flippant image, but I see sombody completely apathetic, like meth -really- makes you. Not at all in the spirit of love. Just ruined it for me. So the rating is 9. Otherwise, would be 10. Still, great.
— unknown
Time to return some long-neglected reviews I owe you:
I love this. From what I can understand from Rhein's comment is that this was written for some inside joke, am I right? Well, you've managed to present this to your readers with amazing ... wow, I don't even know how to describe this poem. It's got style, atmosphere, mystery, fun, description, perfect spacing and form... It's just. Wow.
...speechless...
The crystal meth was ... unexpected but fitting. 23-25 are great. "Onceortwice" in 47 is great. 13-16 just beg to be put to music. Very vivid. I find that the energy drains off in the last three lines, but they fit nicely.
Enjoyed.
— oksana
nice.
— sweetascandy
Oh I love this!
I usually rake over excessive use of () and [] but this rules. It actually works!
Great Great JOB!
— themolly
this is really good. I hear a song behing your poem.
— Trish77
I really like his. Her eyes remind you of crystal but somehow its still so wonderfully romantic.
— Cloudless
Rixes, if you are looking at this poem right now, i would like it if you would read my newest poems and tell what i could or should do with them.
— CajunMoon
Amazing. You did a great job of taking a simple idea, and a simple subject and making it beautiful.
— likwidoxigen
scattered and overpunctuated. good bits but the whole is less than the sum of the parts.
— unknown
Except for the PC poet, I am not familiar with Rhein. Are you referencing the poet or the river?
Except for that confusion, this is mezzmurrizzing.
Long may you reign King rixes.
— housepoppy
This is really good. I don't like the repeated shoe mention. It loses it's effect. Every other line is almost priceless.
The last three lines, eugh. Oh, honey, no.
But, otherwise this is actual poetry and ten steps ahead of most of the garbage on this site or anywhere for that matter.
GJ
-Zr
— ramher
The italics from lines 17-22, do they say something?
Imagine you roaming between the lightening on the waves
?
— unknown
you make
sigh.
why can't algebraic jazz be like loving.
; we are untied
— onklcrispy
i love you.
— tearstndpage
I think it's a bit long. You can make a point with less.
— unknown
You can, yes, but why must he?
— unknown
eh.
— unknown
Great job! Love the imagery and how you used it to construct a beautiful poem!
— wamblicante
Like the whole feel of this with its improvised fell and subtley shifting key. Authentic dialogue of one tripping dreamily through the day.
— larrylark
it was just great, i did not read it but it looks greate lolz
— unknown
On the whole a good poem but I found that though it's written in freeverse, it's really hard to get it to flow in some parts. The metre of it is uneven
— silentio
say PEPPERONI
— unknown
wow that was amazing...
— unknown
that made no sence at all you tweekers
— unknown
love it
— BoundFeet
I actually read the poem how you suggested and it's beautiful!
— yesterday
DUDE!!! WOW.... i like the meth part.... this is the best poem i have read in a while, felt like i knew the words.... it RULES
— onestepshort
wow u go pplz i love roni 4 eva and i like the peom WESTSIDE 4 LYF MY NAME IS FLORA FROM SYD
— unknown
love the header, and the first stanza.
— Lia
Line 32 should read window sills...unless you do have a vision of seals at the window (which would be amusing and a far better apparition than an equation.)
From one math hater to another, this poem is wonderful.
Please check out my homage to math class in my poem. "New-Merology"
RandiSusan
btw/I can hear the j a z z
— RandiSusan
Lol, RandiSusan, I had no idea I had "window seals" there for all that time. It really wasn't intentional and merely a typo or whatever you might call it, but now that I stare at it, I like it. lol. This is funny to me, very very very funny.
But I remember now.... during the making of this poem I was already in a delirious, half-awake state so who knows what my unconcious mind was speaking....
rxs
— unknown
I read your poem in my Georgian southern accent aloud as instructed but I like peach tea, not spearmint and I have the intellect for algebra but always preferred music, I love what you wrote.
— unknown
bleh.
— unknown
whose point of view is this told from?
— unknown
i really really love lines 10-16 and 23-28
— kate22
edited the last lines
finally
— Rixes
needz sumthing mure
— unknown
Ahhh! I LOVE this. L21 should be "lightning" though. I wish we could do audio files on here so everyone could hear the oral poems; I love the way this just flows off the tongue. 47-53--FABULOUS! Nice visual construction... I agree the crystal meth almost seems too out-there, but since you follow with "Rhein's siver wine" bit it ended up working really well for me; might be my second favorite part of the whole poem. *happy face* The more I read over this the more I love it!
— gem_grrrl
this would give me an inferiority complex but Donne and co. have already taken care of that.
Very beautiful.
— DeformedLion
A joy to read. Thanks!
— unknown
This is great! Just a tiny suggestion of title change to something more terse like jazz factoring, I confess to math dyslexia so the term algebra bums me out.
— Highwayman
; ( have i ever told you that your eyes 23
; remind me of crystal meth
those lines are from god.
thankyou.
(
also 'daydreaming rain'
verybeautiful.
)
steve . poem gets a 9
— steveroggenb
I really liked this. The jazz feel here is so strong I could hear the music of this poem in my mind.
— dhill2
Nice rhythm, mostly, and the images are appropriate if not stunning.
— unknown
unbelievable imagry
— thefatwon
in a good... no... spectacular way
— thefatwon
amazing. great imagery.
— EchoesRemain
Oh, how I enjoyed this. The rythym is absolutely fantastic. Was the "imagine you roaming between lightening on the waves" that's in italics meant to be read together? If so, wonderfully well done. If not, what an interesting coincidence! I even like the heading. What is Rhein's silver wine in reference to? Just out of curiosity...
Anyway. Lovely job.
— unknown
love this
but then, I'm a sucker for a math poem
— unknown
absolutely gorgeous
— unknown
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