poetry critical : poem

exhausted but eager

I find it’s easier to breathe when you’re
not around,

just always remember	1
that memory can suspend	2
soul by lifting soles	3
above your head	4

and in promising sanity	5
I promise not to encourage	6
the dizzy feeling	7
that’s telling your lips	8
to move like fingertips	9
in my bed.	10

16 May 05

Rated 8.7 (7.9) by 5 users.

Active (5): 7, 9, 9
Inactive (7): 1, 5, 5, 8, 8, 9, 9, 10, 10

(define the words in this poem)
(46 more poems by this author)

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Comments:

Hmm.  That title sounds familiar
— themolly

ah.... delightful. keep all the words, but were it me, i'd change breath to breathe
— Bloodfetish

this is so very unique.  nice jorb.  (;
i see nothing that needs changing.  the way you worded and structured this poem is really something sweet; it is weird--but in the coolest way.
i like your title.  i like just about all of it.  keep on writing!  (;
(9)
— ducktape

Should soles be souls?  Or is this rather inuendo?
— Isabelle5

OOOOOOOoooooooo yeah.  Turbo nice. :)
— themolly

I love your poetry. give this better punctuation.
— Charlie

it's beautiful!  good work.
— OwlGirl

Lovely, the suspense is perfect.
— Thea

second stanza is so much better than the first.
sole/souls -its what you do when you can't be bothered writing. nonsense in the guise of cleverness.

But I do love the second. Well worked.
— DeformedLion

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