| Learning Love
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Isabelle5
| She won’t make it | 1 |
through the week-end without him, | 2 |
that’s her fear; | 3 |
falling down in desperation | 4 |
for his touch and his lips, | 5 |
his eyes on hers, | 6 |
the reaching out she needs, | 7 |
the solidness she finds | 8 |
in the music and the muscle. | 9 |
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Feelings that she had suppressed | 10 |
and kept in mental cabinets | 11 |
under guard and key, | 12 |
found by his lock-smith eyes, | 13 |
have been remanded to | 14 |
his persistent custody. | 15 |
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Waking in the night, | 16 |
breathless with damp thighs, | 17 |
afraid to turn | 18 |
to see if he is really there, | 19 |
sighing in relief and partial pain | 20 |
to find herself alone | 21 |
with thoughts of him | 22 |
where courage and solitude | 23 |
used to be. | 24 |
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19 May 05 |
Rated 7 (7.5) by 3 users.
Active (3): 8, 8, 10
Inactive (15): 1, 1, 1, 6, 6, 8, 8, 8, 9, 9, 9, 9, 10, 10, 10
(define the words in this poem)
(248 more poems by this author)
(7 users consider this poem a favorite)
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Comments:
I FUCKING LOVE IT .....LOVE IT LOVE IT LOVEEEEE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :)
— LaLa16
cut laser eyes. too cliche.
line 2 move him to 3. actually, heres my rebreak for s1
She won’t make it through
the week-end without
him: that’s her fear--falling
down in desperation
for his touch and lips,
his eyes on hers,
the reaching out she needs,
the solidness she finds,
his music and his muscle.
good work.
— noodleman
I don't really like muscle in line nine.
I'm sorry, and I'd write more but I'm eating ice cream and it's hard to type with one hand. But I just wanted to say that I read this, and it's halfway between sad and hopeful, and I like it. :)
— wendz
Noodle, why don't you just be my ghost writer? I'll make some changes later when I have a minute. Thanks!
— Isabelle5
99% of the words are yours, i just rebroke and pulled out the muscle.
heh.
— noodleman
you dont need a ghost writer you write damn good all by yourself!
— noodleman
Well, the guy is a musician and he's massively muscled.
ps - I didn't make it through the week-end without him.
— Isabelle5
massive muscle?
— noodleman
huge - but he's smart, too. Unusual combination.
— Isabelle5
this is GOOD girl. Real good.
Don't change a thing. Damp thighs! I love it.
— themolly
Aw the beginning's sad, I'm going to cry now. This is really good though.
— FeltPen
It´s really good.
I love it ...I love it!!!
It´s beautiful!!.........8D
Good job!!!
— lupita
Pretty good. Frankly, I don't see anything behind your metaphors and descriptions, but for once, just descriptions are enough. Rating 8.
— unknown
Full of cliches.
— unknown
Anyone who is looking for deeper meanings, don't bother! This is straight and to the point.
— unknown
Anyone who hasn't been in love prolly won't get this. Love IS a cliche, sometimes. But it's still the most beautiful thing there is.
— alana
I adore this! I feel it cause it reminds me of my first love...
— unknown
A little freaky, I don't know if that was the intention?
— unknown
Freaky? How so? It's meant to convey that first feeling of belonging and attachment that happens when you meet someone and begin to fall in love.
— Isabelle5
i like this!!! im feelin the sameway about someone right now too.....
— unknown
love must be an exquisite pain. good work.
— SteelAngel
this is pretty good
it seems a little rough around the edges.
this poem could really benefit from an internal rythem that sort of leads up to the ending.
but i really like the images "mental cabinet". "breathless with damp thighs"
overall i likey.
— SweetPain
Sick comment. Good poem.
— unknown
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