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sea carib 3
hank

nothing can last the stare
 1
always fading out
 2
the swelling constantly opening
 3
to the salt
 4
poured in from the wind
 5
me and spray
 6
 
 
clay seeps from under
 7
and mud squeezed from
 8
between is good to smooth
 9
our skin and punch our
 10
noses until this sea
 11
washes us to silk
 12

20 May 05

Rated 9 (8.5) by 1 users.
Active (1):
Inactive (1): 8, 9

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(439 more poems by this author)



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Comments:

dedicated to those who know the outer rocks of a half moon
 — hank

what's that? hemorrhoids on one side of your ass?
 — ollylama

until the sea washes us to silk. that's brilliant. i love a good ending. or a half moon. same thing.
 — ollylama

ha, funny ollie. didn't think of that image.
 — hank

bubbles
 — hank

'and' in 2
it's not that it isn't need, but it's not that it is needed either. it could go anywhere and not be out of place but still stick out. if you see what i mean.

good end.

i hope there will be more parts.
 — kaleidazcope

ok kal. better. tanks.
 — hank

changed the to this in 11.
 — hank

subtle edit, i like it.
how about about the 'and' in 8, are you particularly attached to it?
i may rebreak if i removed that 'and', if this was mine, but only subtly.

kaleidazcope
 — unknown

that one yes.
 — hank

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