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sea carib 3

nothing can last the stare
always fading out
the swelling constantly opening
to the salt
poured in from the wind
me and spray
clay seeps from under
and mud squeezed from
between is good to smooth
our skin and punch our
noses until this sea
washes us to silk

20 May 05

Rated 9 (8.5) by 1 users.
Active (1):
Inactive (1): 8, 9

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dedicated to those who know the outer rocks of a half moon
 — hank

what's that? hemorrhoids on one side of your ass?
 — ollylama

until the sea washes us to silk. that's brilliant. i love a good ending. or a half moon. same thing.
 — ollylama

ha, funny ollie. didn't think of that image.
 — hank

 — hank

'and' in 2
it's not that it isn't need, but it's not that it is needed either. it could go anywhere and not be out of place but still stick out. if you see what i mean.

good end.

i hope there will be more parts.
 — kaleidazcope

ok kal. better. tanks.
 — hank

changed the to this in 11.
 — hank

subtle edit, i like it.
how about about the 'and' in 8, are you particularly attached to it?
i may rebreak if i removed that 'and', if this was mine, but only subtly.

 — unknown

that one yes.
 — hank