| I found my lust
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thirdeyris
| I found my lust | 1 |
make-up stained, | 2 |
dirty, | 3 |
and lying on the floor. | 4 |
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Like an old dress tossed aside. | 5 |
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24 May 05 |
Rated 8.5 (8.3) by 2 users.
Active (2): 7, 10
Inactive (7): 7, 7, 8, 8, 8, 10, 10
(define the words in this poem)
(33 more poems by this author)
(1 user considers this poem a favorite)
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Comments:
So many words distracting from the beauty here.
I found my lust
make-up stained,
lying on the floor;
an old dress tossed aside.
sorry. just how i see it.
— kaleidazcope
Funny how some things can be just like a scene of black and white in a color film.
I liked this. So much character in so few lines.
— 2quillsanity
I like this.
It makes me think of a predator---
maybe someone about to take advantage of a passed-out chick at a party.
Line 5 ties this up tightly.
— Krttika
by the way i like your profile picture, is it yours?
— kaleidazcope
simple but very nice.
— sweetascandy
i like your poem
— bettalpha
not mine Kale- but thanks. :)
— thirdeyris
This is very vivid and quite lovely.
***(Cue the Applause)***
— themolly
I like this one alot! The line breaks work well and it is just a nice contrast between rough and dirty subject matter, and a clean simple metaphor.
— Riverwriter2
Well, shake it out and put it back on! This is very nice and sharp.
— Isabelle5
I agree with kaleidascopes assessment. Needs to be tight and not waste a syllable.
— Canuckster
Yes, the shorter the poem, the tighter the wording has to be.
— Isabelle5
Good poem.
— unknown
and i?
i found flapjack
on blueberry 'ill
— unknown
Wonderfully well done.
-MEB
— unknown
Nasty
Nasty shit
— unknown
kilt is to ?
as kiln is to ?
SATFRAUD
— unknown
This poem has got attitude. Very concise. It almost seems that the first and second line could be combined with some punctuation...the last line is an incomplete sentence...I think. A very likeable poem.
— MrChris
i like kaleidazcopes suggestions better for the first part of the poem.
— inutile
I think the reason kaleidezcope recommended the removal of line 3 is because it is redundant. I like the tight nature of the poem. Write more.
— boromir4121
You lost your mind,
naked in the rain
like a paper bag
it's all spoilt now.
Your poem is better.
Meep
— unknown
nice poem
— dedication
OK
— unknown
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