poetry critical

online poetry workshop



Act Two
Evalyn

Oh how this actress can deliver her line
 1
Her script is wedged inside your skull
 2
Along with wishes that the stage
 3
Was the only break between you
 4
 
 
At least it drags out another curtain call
 5
 
 
“All the world’s a stage”, but you wonder
 6
If you would just crawl backstage
 7
And out once again
 8
Could you force in your lines?
 9
 
 
You’re not ready for the audience.
 10
 
 
That same silken tongue
 11
Once wrapped itself around yours
 12
Now it forms words that stick
 13
In your throat and choke
 14
 
 
The same lines she rehearsed to her reflection
 15
Become refreshingly monotonous
 16
Under your breath you could sing a line
 17
And she’d sing it back
 18
 
 
She’s not ready for the audience.
 19
 
 
This same silken tongue that wrapped
 20
Itself around yours
 21
Now howls and spits
 22
She’s a Prima Donna, choking you.
 23

From a hypothetical album. Should I incoorporate a blatant rhyming scheme of some sort?

26 May 05

Rated 8 (8) by 1 users.
Active (1):
Inactive (0): 8

(define the words in this poem)



Add A Comment:
Enter the following text to post as unknown: captcha

Comments:

not blatant. choose the slants and surprise this one demands. it's an excellent start. perhaps an internal rhyme would serve it best.
 — Bloodfetish

If by album you mean this will be a song add some things to make it easier for you to sing. Alliteration and Assonance make things flow from your mouth a little better. You can pretty much break the words anywhere you want when its set to music. Just try to stay at least with keeping syllables together. Splitting up words isn't to bad as long as it goes to the music. If this isn't meant to be a song then I guess you can forget everything I just said. Rhyme helps a little too but you really dont want to force it.
 — InMyBlood

This is really good. But it could use something else. I really liked this a lot.
 — Lilac

0.471s