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mon amour en francais

mes doigts et mes mains
montent de l'air comme des vignes
autour de votre souffle
jusqu'à vos soupirs sont solides
sentez mon désir, comme si ma jalousie
il est verte et sombre
pour manquer votre amour est ma crainte pire
vous m'encapsulez quand je demande
vos bras plient autour de ma chair
s'il vous plaît ne hésitez pas
je suis le vôtre.

1 Jun 05

Rated 3 (7.5) by 1 users.
Active (1): 9
Inactive (3): 3, 6, 9

(define the words in this poem)
(23 more poems by this author)

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I'm sure this is beautiful, but I can't read it.
 — unknown

yeah.  i never took french classes.  only spanish.  so i can't read it.  darn.  lol--it looks beautiful no matter what it says because to ppl who don't speak french it is always so fancy/romantic.  even if it's talking about people killing people and other gory stuff like that, it's cool looking in our eyes!  (;
 — ducktape

this is great
i love the last three lines
 — anno

j'aime particulierement les lignes une a trois. (les mains comme les vignes. (des vignes?)

votre poesie est tres belle, ne hesitez pas a ecrire en français.  j'aime la langue francaise!

-homme de nouille
 — unknown

me above.
 — noodleman

C'est dolce, n'est pas? Tres bien. J'aime les lignes onze. C'est magnifique. Tu ecrire tres bien francaise.
 — unknown

perhaps I should googtranslate my poems into French, then like their movies they will suddenly evoke an an air of dinna say crap.
 — unknown

It´s beautiful and it also sounds great
I love the last 3 lines too!!!!
 — lupita

My fingers and my hands
climb the air like vines
around your breath
until your sighs become solid
feel my desire, like jealousy
green and dark
to lack your love is my worst fear
you encapsulate me at my request
your arms fold around my flesh
please do not hesitate
I am yours.
 — megabyte

 — Wix


although it is in french

and everything sounds better in french

it is, still, a cliched bit of puff

i did however really enjoy:

sentez mon désir, comme si ma jalousie  5
il est verte et sombre

tres jolie

thank you

Francois Nisois
 — unknown

bien,je l'aim beaucoup
 — unknown

C'est tres jolie. Je l'aime aussie. Je voulais presenter votre poem dans ma classe de francaise lundi prochaine. Merci des efforts...
 — unknown

you might want to correct the faults before you pass it off as your own in school.
 — unknown

tres jolie!! encore
 — unknown


anyway of making "'le votre" at end there sound less formal?


 — unknown

This poem should be written in the "tu" form.

Line 4 if you use jusqu'a plus a verb. you need to change it to 'jusqu'a ce que' followed by the subjunctive of 'sont' which is 'soient.'

Line 6 you need 'il est vert' as 'mon désir' is masculine.
'comme si' is wrong - you mean 'ainsi que'

'pour manquer votre amour' is wrong and means 'in order to miss my love (i,e, not hit)

'pire' should be placed before 'crainte'

'je demande' must be followed by 'que' as you are making a request and requests are followed by the subjunctive.

The grammar in this is poor - I wonder if you have used a translation machine to write this.
 — nemo

Recommend PoesyCriticale.FR  3 rating fro pretty soundZ
 — gombola

Well done for your critique, nemo.
 — unknown

comme ( si ) ma jalousie - the conjunction is superfluous. - vous confondez condition et similarité !

il est vert(e) et sombre : le désir est masculin ( ! )
"jealousy, the green-eyed monster that feeds upon itself" - i suppose it is the reference.
" pire " is a happy choice : it dramatizes...
" n'hésitez pas" ... et non ne hésitez pas !

 — greenmantle

lupita - how could you possibly lime the last three lines? They're so ineffective.
Could the author please take note of the comments and correct the appalling French?
Or delete the poem?
 — unknown

lupita - how could you possibly LIKE the last three lines? They're so ineffective.
Could the author please take note of the comments and correct the appalling French?
Or delete the poem?
 — unknown

 — unknown

What's the point of me explaining what's wrong with your French if you don't even bother to respond. What's the point?
 — unknown

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 — unknown