| and they dont know, and thats okay
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starryme
| her fingers caress and run down the sides of her | 1 |
empty arms left much emptier in a hugs wake | 2 |
the finger tips nervously twirl 'round | 3 |
loose pieces of hair, messied, | 4 |
all the looser since | 5 |
her last haircut | 6 |
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she whispers to herself when no one is listening | 7 |
when no attentive ears meet her words | 8 |
"they dont know. they dont know" | 9 |
meaning to her | 10 |
that no one understands | 11 |
her insecurites, but even more | 12 |
no one is aware that she has any | 13 |
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at all. | 14 |
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they dont know that | 15 |
her mother called her chunky once | 16 |
or that her father wanted a | 17 |
planned for a | 18 |
hoped for a | 19 |
boy | 20 |
instead of this | 21 |
girl | 22 |
who always plays with her hair | 23 |
and seems to talk to herself | 24 |
from time to time | 25 |
they dont know that | 26 |
she hears her words in her own head | 27 |
and rates them on a scale from | 28 |
one 2 ten, on how | 29 |
lame | 30 |
they | 31 |
are | 32 |
that she doesnt remember the | 33 |
last time she was kissed, | 34 |
rather, | 35 |
the last time that someone who | 36 |
loved her | 37 |
kissed her and meant it as love | 38 |
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all they see is this girl | 39 |
that plays with her hair | 40 |
and whispers to herself | 41 |
wishing only | 42 |
that someone | 43 |
would fill | 44 |
these arms | 45 |
again | 46 |
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27 Mar 03 |
Rated 7 (7.7) by 3 users.
Active (3): 2, 8
Inactive (21): 5, 5, 6, 7, 7, 7, 7, 7, 8, 8, 8, 8, 8, 8, 8, 8, 9, 9, 9, 10, 10, 10
(define the words in this poem)
(25 more poems by this author)
(13 users consider this poem a favorite)
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Comments:
outstanding!
— mtw
Interesting insight into this person, the mental intimacy is well conveyed. I don't get the effect of line 37, a distraction for me. The ending pulls together nicely.
— Duende
God...
— luella
you captured a moment that everyone has felt &i really enjoyed the way it came across.
— xout
this is so amazing, but the 'one 2 ten' makes me want to puke. what's the deal?
the linebreaks are particuarly spectacular in this one.
— unknown
To me this poem is perfect. I've added it to my favorites list.
— heatherS
awwwww i like dat...veddy goOd...~!
— xsadxstarx
why do you escape your quotes?
— unknown
Oh my god.........my mouth is still wide open
— unknown
the first part is rough. i think adding some punctuation could help direct the flow of the eyes and of thought, it sort of comes in a clump and is hard to digest. but especially the first two lines-- they're a little akward. nothing a few words changed, or a repositioned linebreak, or something couldn't fix.
from 12 on, i was absolutely floored, and i usually hate teenaged-issue sounding poetry. especially 33-38.. hot damn. same thing though, why do you use the \\ around the quotes? if it's to simulate italics, you can just use html up in here.
— jade
15-38 are brilliant--- I love the bit about the father. The surrounding is good, but not as good as though lines. terrific work.
— bellis
it says everything you wan to say..beautiful
— unknown
I love this.
And I have a question
"do you always feel ridiculous?"
— weed
do i always feel ridiculous?
i dont get it. should i?
— starryme
It was disconnected with the poem; I was just intrigued and wanted to know.
— weed
well, i suppose i feel ridiculous.
quite often.
why?
-starryme
— unknown
lovelovelove.
captured insecurity with the power of a punch to the stomach. never better, you know.
— shakeit
amazing..
— Muffins
pretty good. the line breaks are flawless. the only thing i would change is no quotation marks on line 9.
— Charlie
great work
— torn
you know, I rated this poem pretty high, but you are really losing points for stunts like line 37. who do you think you are, houdini?
that said, I really dig the 15-38 stanza the most (man, those line breaks in the vicinity of the father wanted a/planed for a/hoped for a/boy/instead of this/girl/who always plays with her hair). In any case, I think your second and final stanzas are a little weaker than the rest -- the first is especially strong but I wish the poem would be more connected or themed around that first nice stanza. (though "'round" ? not sure there).
— unknown
i don't honestly see how it's very good at all. it's too long and choppy...i don't know. lines 1-6=amazing.
— unknown
Itz really meaningfull i like it
— unknown
the last stanza is great.
— AEOS
i liked it, but the space in line 37 didn't seem right
— scribeastray
bravo!!!
— stainedsteal
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