| Size Ten Barefoot Shaped Puddles of Liquid Love
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tiedtoes
| those dreams are bleeding the love from me | 1 |
i wake each morning soaked in it | 2 |
i walk each morning tracking it | 3 |
room to room leaving evidence | 4 |
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people mock the changes | 5 |
i have less color | 6 |
i have less rancor | 7 |
i am not me again | 8 |
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this new routine of the leeching dreams | 9 |
has blamed ashamed changed me | 10 |
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19 Jun 05 |
Rated 8.6 (8.4) by 7 users.
Active (7): 2, 6, 8, 9, 9, 10, 10, 10
Inactive (3): 5, 10
(define the words in this poem)
(13 more poems by this author)
(4 users consider this poem a favorite)
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Comments:
this is great!
— BoundFeet
thank you.
— tiedtoes
WAit a minute. Do I know u?
— tiedtoes
Stella....
— tiedtoes
10! Very good
— themolly
oh yeah. mommy like
— Estrella
this gets a 1 from me, themollys friend.
— unknown
oh no. daddy hate.
— unknown
OOOO THis is better. I LOVE it now. Way to be different!
— unknown
thank you! I like it more now as well. I would like to do something else with the last line. Any advice?
— tiedtoes
OOO girl. This IS better. WOW
— themolly
This deserves a higher rating.
— unknown
Commentate???? Here's a commentate - get spell check! lol
You might want to consider changing again in line 8 to anymore. We're only ourselves once, not again generally.
Less rancor? I would think you'd have rather more as the love is sucked out.
The final line would have more impact if you put commas between blamed and ashamed.
My humble opinion only
— Isabelle5
I have much rancor on a regular, so without my pieces it's started disappearing.
I am not me again, meaning this has happened before.
I considered hyphenation or ellipses or maybe slashes in the last line, because I am trying to convey that blamed ashamed changed sensation is all together different than each of them separately.
— tiedtoes
You don't know what commentating is? Get a dictionary.
— unknown
Is commentating something only Americans do? Ehm...To Commentate: to make a commentary on
— themolly
Hon, I love this! This needs more eyes. My god.
— unknown
I almost didn't read this b/c of the title, but I get it now.
— unknown
I really like this. Imaginative. Original. And I know what you mean about dreams taking over sometimes, affecting your waking mood.
Line 5 Not sure about commentate. It jars slightly.
people comment on the changes
might jar less?
Lines 9-10 brilliant.
This is haunting. Impressive work.
— smugzy
Thank you very much. You are so polite.
— tiedtoes
I think you are on the verge of something wonderful. I want this to be longer...
— unknown
Longer?
Really?
Any advice on the direction and motivation of an extension?
— tiedtoes
tiedtoes
this new routine of the leeching dreams
has blamed ashamed changed me
it's is debateable whether there is such a thing as a new idea and bad people "have" new ideas, until what is meant by this has been established how is progression possible?
— Kauf
or
it is debatable whether there is such a thing as a new idea and bad people "have" new ideas, until what is meant by this has been established to what extent is progression possible?
— Kauf
Kauf-
This is about a series of recurring dreams I've experienced. I couldn't escape them. Have you ever heard of night terrors? Google that.
Anyway, they completely took over my thoughts, my actions, my whole life. I have never felt so strange, and I've never really gone back to normal.
They do come around now and again, but not like before. Maybe I'm just used to the horror. I don't want to say more. There you have it.
— tiedtoes
hello?
— tiedtoes
HELL_____LLLLLLLLLOOOOOOOOOOOO????? Are you still on?
— tiedtoes
eh? :) I'm off and on today, what's up?!
— Kauf
You asked a question of the writer in the comments of this poem. I answered.
— tiedtoes
tiedtoes
wow, really!! aw I'm sorry to hear that. I think I read a bit too much into your poem, ignore it if it makes things worse for you.
this new routine of the leeching dreams
has blamed ashamed changed me
Makes more sense now, thanks!
— Kauf
I just wanted to make sure you saw that-
— tiedtoes
tiedtoes
I'll make more effort to read berween the lines, I'm sorry that was very insensitive of me.
— Kauf
no biggie
— unknown
tiedtoes
Just a thought, wamblicante could give you some advice. Not knowing your background, if you are "seeing things" or if the dreams are drugs related - she is, apparently, a trained social worker - she may be able to advise you how to tackle expressing your anxiety in written work - what is appropriate etc :)
— Kauf
so far, so good...
I do like wamb though. He's nice. (i always thought he was a he)
— tiedtoes
oops
Again, I apologise, I'm still finding my way around the room. Seems a nice enough guy
I'll have a read through your poems and check out that google link and shall return. I am quite taken by Isabelle's approach to poetry which seems to be focus on the positive, lighten up, keep a sense of humour and apply technique appropriately and imaginatively which your poem appears to acheive. Very beautiful and unusual way of composing ideas. Thank you for your patience.
— Kauf
I feel that you could add a few more to the second stanza,as you have said less rancor (which would normally be a possitive) and less color (whihc would normally be a negative) so one or two more might clarify to the readerwhat exactly you mean, or maybe say something else to clarify why you use those words together. I like the first stanza! and I like how they have changed you. Maybe you could add something more to at least hint at what kind of dreams they are; do you have flashing memories of hte dream through our the day, at leasst one strong reoccuring or symbolic visual from the dream would really add to the memorableness of this poem
— unknown
Food for thought. I'll stink about it folks.
— unknown
I still love this tiedtoes.
Re-reading it "commentate" in line 5 is the only thing out of place. It still sounds wrong to me.
This is just short of being wonderful. Maybe you could consider changing this one line?
people note the changes? people comment on the changes?
Just a suggestion.
— smugzy
We'll see. I'm sort of attached, but I'll rethink the whole thing.
— unknown
OK! I concede.
Whaddoyouthink?
— tiedtoes
Hmmm.....not sure about mock. It feels a little too harsh. I like the idea that people notice or are aware of the changes. This leaves it open to interpretation. For example, I thought people might be concerned about you.
I still prefer "people comment" or "people notice" or "note"
— unknown
Oops - that was me. Forgot to log on.
Did you change the first stanza slightly, by the way?
smugzy
— unknown
nope.
— unknown
i like my first stanza. in fact, I married it last weekend.
— tiedtoes
wow, this is amazing. sorry, that isn't very helpful lol. you don't need to change a thing. i especially like your last comment, very nice.
— neverhaze
wow! thank you very much
— tiedtoes
I love it! Especially the title.
— pearlsandtar
thanks!
— tiedtoes
...The fuck is this?
Like screamo lyrics rewritten to fit a java house spoken word slam.
— aurelius
that's just rude. try to be constructive
— tiedtoes
anyway
— tiedtoes
This is actually very well done, despite some distasteful criticism. I especially enjoy the last line, the lack of commas and the chain "has blamed ashamed changed me" communicates a sense of simultaneity inherent in thought and memory, where all of these things happen in an instant not in the slowed and often times lethargic mode of speech...
— bmp312
thank you b
— tiedtoes
good job
— unknown
thanks
— tiedtoes
Well tiedtoes, I loved this first time round and I still do.....
— smugzy
Thanks smugzy
— tiedtoes
I still like this. That's saying something =)
— tiedtoes
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