poetry critical

online poetry workshop



Folding
BoundFeet

cruel logic
 1
pointing your wand at me
 2
i am unfond
 3
of your tendency
 4
to accuse
 5
me of poor strategy
 6
an ill propensity to drink
 7
and general low intensity
 8
 
 
i writhe, pinched by your scrutiny
 9
and it trips me, sends me tumbling
 10
you might be a touch kinder to me
 11
if i hadn't abandoned loyalty
 12
to the brotherhood of Earth-- of science, and that
 13
which our respective languages will not permit
 14
either of us to fully comprehend
 15
the subtle nuances of the words
 16
 
 
cruel logic
 17
how coyly you tempt me
 18
i am depleted
 19
by your brazen dignity
 20
begging for mercy
 21

21 Jun 05

Rated 7.7 (8.2) by 5 users.
Active (5): 8, 10, 10, 10
Inactive (10): 3, 6, 7, 7, 8, 8, 9, 10, 10, 10

(define the words in this poem)
(17 more poems by this author)

(3 users consider this poem a favorite)



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Comments:

nicely written... i like it. even if you do choose not to capitalize you should still capitalize the I's. the way its broken up is good. i like it.
 — blinx

thank you.  i wasn't sure about putting this one on pc.
 — BoundFeet

Holy crap!  This is excellent.
 — unknown

I love this.  Way to go
 — Estrella

sux.
 — unknown

why?
 — BoundFeet

cuz it do. don't ask questions.
 — unknown

you're a cockface
 — unknown

I do love this.  It presents yet another tale of anguish at the hands of rationale.  I find that being intelligent is an encumberance.  Knowing what to do and having all the answers isn't all it's cracked up to be, and this commentates that perspective nicely.
 — unknown

CommentateS?
 — unknown

thank you so much. i was so bored and this is fucking brilliant!
 — lonelygirl

thank you, sweetness.  I appreciate the encouragement.
 — BoundFeet

this is so nice.  Please give us something NEW!
 — themolly

Holy crap this is good!
 — unknown

Wow Boundfeet, this is awesome!  You've used some of my fav worsd in the english language! (ie intesity, propensity, scrutiny, dignity, coyly)

L 9-16 is a great huge beautiful staza! Nice job.
 — JessieVideo

You are SO sweet.  

I like those words, too.  Some words really give me a jolt, you know?

I guess I'm not the only one.
 — BoundFeet

See isn't this nice.  All the poets being friendly? I like this!
 — JessieVideo

Me too.  We should invent a contraption that emits THC into the rooms of all the PC users.  That would make for much more courteous critiques, don't you think?
 — BoundFeet

lol, no really I just laughed... out loud.  That might help everybody chill. But then we'd all be writing poems about Cheetos!

Thanks for the lovely chats Bound, I'll catch ya on the flip side (That's monday. when i'm back at work and I can chat on the net while by bosses aren't looking!

Take care!  (insert bong rip sound here!)
 — JessieVideo

I think I love you.
 — BoundFeet

huh
 — unknown

I didn't know people could be friendly at this site.
 — opium

I know, isn't it weird?

Do you like the poem?
 — BoundFeet

That bong rip always gets 'em. Hook line and sinker!
Hope you're having a nice weekend!

Nice nice nice nice nice

Someone tell Donald Tetto something is wrong
(insert nice comment here)
 — MeltsinRain

Ha-ha!  You so crazy!
 — unknown

nice.  i think errbody gets thata way sometimes...pissed at their own brain.
 — tiedtoes

Shit, girl!   I didn't know this was yours.  WOW.  I'm even more impressed now.
 — tiedtoes

it seems to me that it's not logic that has the problem.
 — In_Relief

What the fuck is that supposed to mean, In_Relief?
 — unknown

TENDENCY
 — unknown

It appears that lately, poems having been appearing in the top rated section of PC, which would at best, hardly merit a second glance, let alone a comment, on most other poetry sites.

Why then, is this absolute abortion of linguistic gibberish, receiving accolades?

I would consider logic would be confounded in understanding the first stanza.
From whence does the root of unfond, appear.

Like wise, the use of yet another made up word like tendancy.
The only extension is from tendence, hence tendency.
The use of tendance in your line would also be inappropriate
in the presumption of its intended context.

It appears to me the whole poem, if that were considered the correct definition to this poorly constructed exercise, to which one assumes truthful comment is required, certainly appears to defy logic.

I would rate this exercise with a five maximum.

Arminius Prodicus

  
 — unknown

Armi...

Why do you have to be such an utter ass?  Is it your favorite pass-time, or what?  Have you nothing better to do than steal the thunder of amatuer writers?  Go get a fucking job and keep your negative comments to yourself.  You don't even offer suggestions anymore.  You simply bitch.  That makes you, a bitch.
 — unknown

Steal thunder from amateur poets, this PC not Mount Olympus.

Take this thought home with you, and give it some consideration.

Would I in such a moments thought
believe, those truths, their telling ought
beyond it such bounds of reasons call
who is, but the biggest liar of them all.

Arminius Prodicus
 — unknown

whatever, dude.

You do realize that this is the 21st century, right?  You are not William S., so give it up.  You aren't even able to post poems under the same name you comment under.  MAN you're lame.
 — unknown

Obviously, in your little world of self-praise, and its relevant conceits, you have never heard of the term readers, these dedicated individuals, are for your information, those people, who, for various reasons read poetry.

A strange occupation, you may consider, but despite any consideration, and possible disregard to the mental dilemma encountered in such readings.

It cannot by any stretch of the imagination be considered any more strange, than those group of people, who write only for the false praise of other poets.

Arminius Prodicus.
 — unknown

This site is for poets.  WE post our work, pour out our souls, and ask for critiques.  If you don't post, you shouldn't critique.  If you aren't a writer, you don't know what you're talking about.  I KNOW I'm not the only one that thinks you should shove off.
 — unknown

oh man.  i like this more each time i read it

;)
 — Estrella

Before you start getting belligerent and jumping up and down like a baboon.

Maybe you ought to take time to read the site rules.

It maybe incomprehensible to you, to understand, or even contemplate that anyone would waste their valuable time reading diatribes of absolute rubbish, without at least contributing equally nauseating amounts of rubbish in return.

I am not here to pander to your ego, merely to read poetry.

You deal with your own problems; I have enough trouble wading through rubbish like yours, before I can get to the good poetry posted on PC.

Arminius Prodicus
 — unknown

You don't even know who I am dick.
 — unknown

In respoence... It was the poet who abandoned the brotherhood of Earth not logic.
 — In_Relief

OH.  Ok.  I didn't get what you were saying.  MY bad. ;)
 — unknown

no capped i's b/c i'm trying to exempify my size and power in relation to the concept and method of LOGIC
 — BoundFeet

The enjambent of this really emphasises the power of your thoughts.
 — winter

Thankyou
 — unknown

The enjambent of this really emphasises the power of your thoughts.
– winter

hahahahahahhahahha bullshit. i bet you don't even know what you are talking about!!
 — unknown

who?
 — unknown

I clumsily assume all poets know of enjambent-
 — unknown

That's funny....poets critiquing other poets' critiques.  COME ON!
 — BoundFeet

really good
 — unknown

Reminds me of biased skeptics' logic- it seems there is no discovery they won't hide from to get one's attention. Are you really not a scientist, in terms of being unbiased and searching purely? It seems you are against a wrongly certain and invasive type. I believe that is your crux, and oh, that logic from the wrong voicebox! Hard to suffer it sometimes and remain centered and unharmed. Interesting. I need more personal info but I appreciate the wording.
 — C

Oh, great title.
 — C

I guess I'm not a scientist either- now that I recall, I tend to receive gifts of enlightenment and discovery rather than invasively take them, but in terms of naturalistic observation, perhaps in the higher sense.
 — C

thankyou...i think
 — BoundFeet

I've always liked this. It sticks to your brain, whether you want it to or not.
  I like it that way, though.
 — Hear

thanks.  it has that effect on me as well.
 — BoundFeet

ok. i cna't read the entire thread so i hope i wont repeat

i think this def. calls for make up sex!!!!

who's game?
 — unknown

yes please
:)
 — BoundFeet

one more?
 — BoundFeet

do you have pierced nipples?

if yes: this really rocks
 — unknown

ur all sad twats n need to get lyf u bunch of geeks
 — unknown

f off turd

thanks other guy
 — BoundFeet

This is a tad dramatic. Logic isn't THAT cruel. Not at all. I like logic. Especially the strawman fallicy. My favorite. 8/10
 — Henry

nice build up.
 — SenorSin

thanks
 — BoundFeet

Didn't really care got it could do better. Read other by this person and they are good!
 — unknown

it seems a comma would help line 9, after writhe
or if you don't want to use any punctuation at all
you could just break
the line

i like this
 — SteelAngel

thankyou
 — BoundFeet

any suggestions?
 — BoundFeet

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