poetry critical

online poetry workshop


remember our nights
imprinted on your face
folds of the sheets
a map upon your cheek
your skin
good memory
carried the lines from our bed
well into the day

4 Jul 05

Rated 8 (8.5) by 1 users.
Active (1): 8
Inactive (3): 7, 9, 9

(define the words in this poem)
(465 more poems by this author)

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thats cute... just a simple poem but it really shows how much you notice and love about this person
 — Cloudless

hmm, cute. might have to delete this one.
 — hank

this is very sweet. a great poem and a great show of love an affection.
 — sk8rpoet55

cute and sweet. even more appalling.
 — hank

uh oh, it's cute
and sweet.
and, yet...
I like it.
 — kitkat

The poem is outwardly about how skin loses it's elasticity with age.  Memory appears to be an occuring theme as does skin.  The dark in the light, unresolved.
 — Roz

..or a light in the dark perhaps, lol, sorry.  I like it, it's cute.
 — Roz

nice poem

 — unknown

It's not cute, honest. Don't delete.

It has lots of things going on that I like a lot. The title for a start. Could be about skin, but could also be about sexual gymnastics or is that just me?

Lines 1-2 I love these. A face does look so different after love.

Only line that jars for me is line 6. I don't think it's necessary. Or maybe you could just make it 'a memory' or remove it altogether? Just a suggestion. I think the languid tone gives an impression of pleasure so you don't need to stress it was good!
I love this though. The skin a metaphor for acts of love and the feelings that linger. Mmmmmm

 — unknown

well done smugzy. thanks.
 — hank

Nicely done sensual poem
 — larrylark

very nice. we can all understand this one. very concise and deliberate. likey
 — themolly