|Watching Mother Baking (1954)
Sitting, elbows propped
against chopping board,
on check clothed kitchen table,
powder white flecks, driven like snow.
Sunshine's glow on dull dough.
In the balance gleaming scales.
Pale brass weights indented,
pounds and ounces countervail.
Her alchemy still confounds, absorbs.
Sure eyed skill drove every grain
of flour to purpose, rising over
Pomona, Brae burn, Bramley,
brown crusted like algebraic equations
of Pi's fusion, brought to perfect conclusion.
27 Jul 05
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This is nice, descriptive of your mother as scientist/baker. I'd change countervail to countervale in line 8.
Is grain the right word in line 10? Flour comes from a grain but it's reduced to a fine powder so perhaps a different word would work there.
I can see this copper kitchen in the sun and smell the cinnamon, along with humming sounds as she rolls dough, like my mother did when I was small.
i thank you for your crit and will consider carefully what you have suggested but did you know that graded grains make finer flour? Well thats what the little cartoon chappie in the bowler hat on the Mcdougals advert reckons.
didnt i already comment on this? is this a repost, or was that just something similar?
I took it off and rewrote it because of the ambiguity in the first stanza
I don't think my mother felt too good about herself a lot of the time when she was young. She had a not too good upbringng with a very repressive father ,but when it came to baking in the kitchen when i was small ,she was supreme.Thanks for the comment ,its much appreciated
Larry, I did not know about graded grains. There is always much to learn! Thanks for this.
I always appreciate your finely graded comments and this one is no exeption
Glad you liked it.
oh. well, i still like it :)
You are the most bestest commentator on my so called poems ever and i love you,in that purely platonic internet way that we scribblers of doggeral do.
please don't be sarcastic towards me. i don't do it to you.
This is a poem.
No offence was intended
I can take it that you liked this one .Thanks for the comment itis much appreciated
Well written. Very narrative/filled with imagery/fills me with something I can't explain. Could use some revision, but what poem couldn't.
That's a winner in my book.
Dera Words and Me
I thank you for you encouraging comments
Dear Larry (Bird), A little too exaggerated and superficial, but I appreciate your fondness of the topic. C
Does she not deserve complete sentences?