| Shoelaces
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SweetPain
| My shoes were so pretty. | 1 |
They were: white and pink runners, | 2 |
with bright white laces. | 3 |
I was running, to my mommy | 4 |
(she had candy) | 5 |
when I tripped, fell and scraped my baren knee . | 6 |
The tear, they streamed from my round and once cheery face. | 7 |
My mommy picked me up and mended and kissed my wound. | 8 |
Then she taught me a lesson | 9 |
that has stuck to me like super sticky super glue. | 10 |
That we all have to hurt sometimes, to learn the most important lessons, and the lesson I learned today is worth all the pain. | 11 |
From that day on, I tied all my shoelaces. | 12 |
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29 Jul 05 |
Rated 8 (8) by 1 users.
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Comments:
My shoes they were so pretty. needs to be changed to:
My shoes were so pretty.
and i think Whe i tripped, fell and scraped my baren knee
should be changed to.
When i tripped and scraped my baren knees.
You need a stronger ending.
— LoserXcore
no, i like the first line how it is worded, but i would insert a comma (ar a hyphen, even) after the word "shoes".
— Lia
lol, cute
— beautynbeast
Nicely put ,enjoyed
— larrylark
lol, it's good to have shoelaces?
— Kauf
i dont agree with you loserxcore, with the tripping part. taking out fell makes no sense, i tripped yah but you can trip and not hurt yourself. do you have any suggestions for the ending, because i can't think of any that tie well with the rest of the poem like that one. thanks for the help LoserXcore and Lia. And thanks for commenting beautynbeast, larrylark and Kauf :D
— SweetPain
It's funny how people put line breaks into prose and call it poetry. This is shit.
— unknown
bitter are we?
— SweetPain
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