|for fate and destiny with affection
vanquish the fire
1 Aug 05
Rated 9 (8) by 1 users.
Inactive (1): 7, 9
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this would read better if you made "vanquish" one line and "the fire" the fourth, it would create some movement in a relatively short poem. and your message is clearly and simply projected through these words. good job :D!
but fire is light. are you saying that a similar quixotic relationship exists between fate and destiny? I never thought of that. You're a genius. Now fire up a bong with me and we'll see the light together.
I think without the 'the' @L1 &3 this would be tighter and stronger:
Or at most, use 'the' only once.
Overall, very nice and refreshing. The spacing, oddly, gives it an airy sort of feel to it--makes me think of wind molding a flame into it's tear drop shape. i'm an odd person, sometimes.
fuct olly, i'm howling. can't thank you enough.
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