poetry critical

online poetry workshop



Everyone has a tell
themolly

Your face rains on me at the most inopportune moments,
 1
when I'm about to fall asleep or when I'm making Ramen noodles.
 2
I recall the smallest details, the sporadic hair growth on your cheek, the asymmetry of your teeth, the cowlick dominating your hairline.
 3
I save the image as a consolation prize, but it offers little consolation.
 4
Photographic memory is more like a curse now.
 5

6 Aug 05

Rated 4.5 (8) by 2 users.
Active (2): 8
Inactive (22): 1, 3, 4, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 8, 8, 9, 9, 9, 9, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10

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(51 more poems by this author)

(10 users consider this poem a favorite)



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Comments:

HOLY CRAPOLI.  This is wicked good.  EVERYONE HAS FELT THIS WAY...you did it so well.
10
fav
 — BoundFeet

whoa....
 — unknown

That title is great.  wow
 — unknown

any poem with noodles in it is a winner in my book.
 — noodleman

spanks noodle
 — unknown

Very well done! Something the reader can feel and connect with.
 — wamblicante

Nice juxt of the banal with the reverent. (9)
 — junky

thanks wamblicante and junky.  I love it--
 — unknown

This a litle funny, a little sad....like that.
 — unknown

awwwwww.  I love this.
 — unknown

i know what you mean
ugh
 — unknown

The only thing I could say is that when you were giving examples of the most "inopportune" moments, I felt like you should have had three, but I think that's mediocrity talking, so, brava.
 — Cinder

Yep ,this hits the mark
 — larrylark

bull's-eye. great job.
 — electricity

a-thankyouverymuch~
 — unknown

thank you so much for writing this
 — unknown

yourwelcom
 — unknown

What a lovely slice of your brain~
 — unknown

um thank you.
 — unknown

awesome
 — tragicbubble

thanks
 — unknown

Yes, there is truth in your poem and I like your wide long lines.
 — Meep

Wow! This is so astute and sharply crafted! This is so universal amoung us who have suffered the loss of someone and you protray it with uniqueness!  well done!
 — BlueRock

Yeowch.  Sharp, sharp. 4 and 5 bring a swift, sharp twist. Everything in the middle is clear and to the point. 1 is undeniably strong, too. Loverly indeed.
 — sapphonix

why the link?
 — unknown

I love it. it is almost sentimental, but then reflects the falling short of your satisfaction. such is life, the little flaws that never quite satisfy us. Or maybe we are the flawed or perfect and that is why we can never be content and must strive.  beautifully done noodles!
 — Riverwriter2

thanks but i didnt write this. :)
 — noodleman

That guy's been doing that a lot.  He thought I wrote DIRTY SLUT, now he thinks you wrote my shit.  Anyway, we know the truth.
 — themolly

Hey!  I'm eating Ramen noodles right now.

Lots of great descriptions in a small package.  I likee.
 — housepoppy

Every bum has a smell.
 — unknown

true that
 — unknown

Every dumb fag's ass smells.
 — unknown

Better cum on my ass as well.
 — unknown

ewwww what?
 — unknown

Everyone can relate to it, it's great.
 — LostWaves

Creative, but this isn't amazing. I would think that with your creativity you could do a lot better.
 — unknown

who are you?  how do you know who I am?
 — unknown

i like this a lot ... my only suggestion comes out of a personal preference to not repeat words: perhaps the 2nd 'consolation' could be changed to 'comfort' or something similar?  still, 9 from me
 — tj

Thanks tj.

I completely agree with the repetition thing, however, in this instance, I used it to denote the monotony associated with consolation.

Thanks again!
 — unknown

*asymmetry

Ps: what is a tell?

Good poem
 — unknown

telling is giving yourself away.

Like when you play poker, you try to have a poker face and not give away what you're holding.  Most pro card players have learned to spot "tells" in their competitors...like a  physical manifestation of a lie.
 — themolly

It's your poem the Molly? Thanks for the explanation, I understand now.
 — unknown

I admit nothing

:)
 — themolly

thank you to everyone who faved this.  it means something to me.
 — unknown

wow.  how ridiculously twisted is it that I gave myself away while explaining what a tell is?  that's fubar
 — themolly

:)
 — themolly

The title transfixed me because it is true in every situation, everyone has a tell. If we observe people closely enough, we can decode their tells. That's one of the nicest parts of social-izing.The fact that your poem has received so many comments is proof of its gentle force. I love it. I love what you say and how you say it.

g in m ( one of my many tells)
 — unknown

10
 — graceinmtl

thankyou very much.
 — themolly

I just want to thank all the folks who have this on their favs.  That means SO much
 — themolly

this is so good.
everytime i read this, it reminds me of someone.
 — gonewrong

poetry, more like PROSE POETRY. lol!
 — aerol

Poetry is show and tell.

Try it to improve at least the final line, if not line 3 as well.

That would be, show us an image of something that would conclude that a "photographic memory is more like a curse now..." You could have your eyes blink like camera shudders impressing upon a strange transparent negative. That sort of idea shows the moment as amiss. Just try thinking of a proper metaphor that is also creative... I know you get the picture (pun intented) and you can do better.

Once you show more, your words may actually become poetry...instead of just some musing.
 — pra3torian

Y'see Pratortorian has this thing called passion, I've always struggled to reach it but the best I can come up with is whatevers.  The poem is nice enough, can't help feeling sorry for the subject who has been both diefied and ridiculed by the memory but as in life time heals all wounds.  I wonder about rope.
 — unknown

Take your wonders over to the otherside. Wonder as the rope snaps into place the bones in your neck-a key to a wonder no one wants to discover.
 — pra3torian

Has something upset you pra3torian? you seem tense.
 — unknown

Yep

I did not know I was so transparent.
 — pra3torian

It's cute.
 — lacklusterrr

did you mean tale in the title tell makes no sense
 — unknown

tell.  yes it makes sense.

don't you play poker?

read all the comments until it makes sense, babe
 — themolly

lol, so true.
 — Meep

marvelous.
 — callmelove

thank you all very much
 — themolly

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