| Returning Ghosts Dance
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Isabelle5
| The grave looks cold from above | 1 |
but nestled in smooth satin, | 2 |
bones are warm enough. | 3 |
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Spirits flowing through the grass | 4 |
pause to thank the skin they wore | 5 |
before they turn their newly opened eyes | 6 |
to Light and diamond studded space, | 7 |
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where the voice of their own eternity | 8 |
meets the voices of the stars, | 9 |
sending out shock waves of joyous laughter | 10 |
as souls return from where they first began | 11 |
and their reunion dance resembles | 12 |
Aurora Borealis from below. | 13 |
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24 Aug 05 |
Rated 7 (7.6) by 3 users.
Active (3): 3, 8, 10
Inactive (4): 3, 8, 9, 10
(define the words in this poem)
(248 more poems by this author)
(2 users consider this poem a favorite)
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Comments:
somewhat obscure
— unknown
Hmm, in what way? It's my impression of a happy homecoming and happiness reaching Earth in sweeping gorgeous colors.
Maybe it's a matter of "who cares?" lol
— Isabelle5
Oh, that's the thing I mentioned on the thread. Every single poem I read this morning has it and I watched as poem after poem appeared on the recently commented list and when I checked, there this thing was. Someone had too much time.
Thanks for calling this pretty. I'm reading it myself wondering if poetry has to have a point, as this one has it's beauty but not much of a concrete point.
Kind of like I feel sometimes! lol
— Isabelle5
'where the voices of their own eternity
meets those of the stars'
or
'where the voice of their own eternity
met those of the stars'
pretty cool otherwise...
— dedication
this will be my first favourite. it's so BEAUTIFUL! it's like you give the greatest respect for the dead. i love this.
— Mahagnare
abstract
— unknown
Good start, liked the first stanza and opening to the second (reminds me of those sequences in 'Gladiator' where he runs his hand across the flowing grass) but I think this could be better - particularly the ending lacked vigor for me, which is a shame as potentially its a very stirring image. Could it be reworded?
— b00
Where the forgotten meet,
spinning wildly, we see
The Northern Lights –
the trite spectacle of
our ultimate union.
(just thought of this - it's how I'd do it; though our styles differ of course, its an example)
— b00
Where the newly passed
are joined by ancient stars,
spinning wildly, we see
The Northern Lights –
sheets of sparks cast off
from an awesome union.
(sorry the juices are flowing now lol)
— b00
I am still not happy with the ending myself. I've changed it several times, think I have it and then it complains that I'm not listening to the Muse too well. Thanks for the comments.
ps - I do respect the dead! They did their race already and get to know everything. I can't wait for my chance to dance among the stars!
— Isabelle5
How about the living dead ; )
— unknown
I hear ya Isabelle5 :-)
can I recommend you read my poem 'such steady sleep' for my thoughts on life/death; for many years I've courted death as a release from the trauma of living, but now I finally enjoy living, I fear the trauma of dying! hehe
— b00
Read it, liked it a lot. I don't plan to sleep when I die, I plan to have energy and do everything, read everything, visit everywhere and know every single fact about every single thing! No rest for the mentally hungry!
— Isabelle5
this poem is beautiful. I especially like: pause to thank the skin they wore
— misswyoming
well I hope we're both right and you get to read everything and I get some serious shut-eye :-)
— b00
actually I'm reading 'the five people you meet when you die'
highly recommend it - some beautiful images of the afterlife, which, apparently, is designed to help us understand our lives on earth; maybe you will get to know everything...
— b00
silly
— unknown
Yes, isn't it fun?
— unknown
beautiful and quite unique. poems of death there are aplenty, but this puts a happy, homecoming-ish spin on what comes after time on earth is done. isabelle, you've done it again! i would leave this as is, none of the changes suggested in the comments touch the original.
-Catbox, too lazy to sign in
— unknown
I read the last comment after returning from a 2 hour lunch that was supposed to be only 45 minutes. Got lost on two different freeways and those of you in So Ca will get this - I'm trying to get back to Long Beach and find myself at Alton Parkway, shouting, "Where the fuck is the 405 North?!?!" I got back hungry, my clothes were soaked, I had to pee and I have heat rash all over my forehead from the sweat. Catbox, your comment helped me regain my composure as goddess..lol
— Isabelle5
disappointing, with all these comments I was expecting more
— unknown
More, such as what? Is the reunion of spirits causing the marvels of the Northern Lights not enough?
What would you add to make this better?
— Isabelle5
I like this
'nestled in smooth satin' - cliche?
— unknown
Well, it might be. I don't read many poems about coffins but they do seem to come with satin linings. I like the image of bones being tucked in to sleep in satin sheets.
— Isabelle5
Another random, coughed up in time for Halloween!
— unknown
really, really nicely done - very gothic, very good - could I just make one suggestion? In line 12, would you think about using 'resemble' instead of 'look like'?
— opal
Sure, suggest away, Opal.
Now I'm thinking they reflect ....so shall I.
— Isabelle5
well I still have a preference for 'resemble' but 'reflect' is good too, in that it deepens the meaning and the image really well.
Opal (I got logged out)
— unknown
Just for you, Poet Friend.
— Isabelle5
Oh. look at that! A returning ghost dancing for me just when I need it!
— Isabelle5
What a nice surprise, not at all what I expected from the title. Excellent opening stanza. I particularly like the use of the capital L on line 7, this and the word joyous in 10, gives the poem a peaceful heavenly feel. The last line reminds of the song ‘The Northern Lights of Auld Aberdeen’ (where I’m from) - thanks :o)
— hobby
so so so ON. Incredible. Again, NOT what I expected at all from the title, but I like that. Very precise...intricate even.
I love this...every detail. 10 fav
— themolly
It's still only 5.5 - go figure.
— unknown
definate focus on after-life not after-death! Beautiful imagery and a wonderfully positive tone.
— Vicky-Liz
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