of it all
is that you
fall, claim to
be an orig-
on your own
through the halls
waste land in
a pink boa,
snake skin, and
studs. I love
the way you
sing to your-
self when you
way your mind
out a doubt
kind. I cry
when you are
of your face,
en. And then
I see you
strut, and come
to the con-
you are a
27 Aug 05
Rated 7 (8.3) by 1 users.
Active (1): 7
Inactive (4): 8, 8, 9, 10
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This rings true for me, and probably plenty other quirky guys and gals out here that just can't (or won't) fit in. Thank you muchly :-)
Fav & 10
take out 'aka' l23...it's not necessary with ()
'gorgeous' l54 unless an intentional spelling error, but why that would be i can't understand
i would scrap the last line altogether
i like the line breaks altho i think you may be overdoing the unconventional.
how did you know my boa was pink btw?
I really like how you made this poem long and thin. Is this in reference to the ideal pretty of being thin?
thanks sapphoni, and unknown.
ducktape, first this poem was just a regular free-verse no structure poem, but then i was given some advice to make it short and staccato so i did. i dont know if it was intentional to make a reference to being thin, but maybe it was subconsciously.
I like..i'll come back shortly..maybe sometime today..love the format too..
so were you going to come back any time soon?
i like being quirky and i like this poem:-)
thanks a bunch lonely girl.
I like it. Found it was one of those poems that as you read it, it picked up speed, I have no idea if thats correct, or what you entended, but... good poem!
love it. goureus as in quirkily so? One suggestion, though. Change passive voice to active in lines 35+36 : you speak your mind. That would slink down smoother, to my mind.
thanks Kelli_Fern and borntodance!