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Solstice
bohemian

i have been counting
 1
seconds,
 2
minutes,
 3
hours
 4
 
 
to let the
 5
sun embrace
 6
my tears.
 7
 
 
now, alone in
 8
my room,
 9
 
 
(while watching
 10
the basin
 11
catch raindrops
 12
from the ceiling)
 13
 
 
i wait for the
 14
rhythm to
 15
unshackle my feet.
 16
 
 
i want to dance
 17
(in darkness)
 18
as the summer
 19
solstice is claiming
 20
defeat
 21
 
 
and beg for
 22
your presence.
 23
 
 
i want to drift,
 24
like where the
 25
rhythm
 26
is taking me.
 27
 
 
and drift.
 28
 
 
drift.
 29
 
 
drift away
 30
from the solace of
 31
slashing
 32
one's skin.
 33

11 Sep 05

Rated 9 (9) by 1 users.
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Comments:

while the forth stanza is good in paranthesis, lline 18 is somewhat distracting.

and i dont like lines 28 and 29. i dont know if it's the lines, or if it's the full stops on the end of the, though.

but, the rest is pure goodness, and i give this almost perfect rating. if changes are made to the lines mentioned above, my rating will go higher.
 — Lia

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