poetry critical : poem

Dinner Conversation

I hate being angry.	1

You know,	2
that strong	3
kind of nauseating anger,	4
where you grind your teeth,	5
and choke back tears,	6
and praying,	7
just praying,	8
that they’ll obey and stay concealed.	9

And you try, so very hard,	10
to hold back those tears	11
and to draw in some sort of	12
s t u tt e r ed,	13
sh u dd er ed breath.	14
Then a LARGE,	15
painful,	16
knot	17
begins to grow	18
in the	19
middle	20
of your throat.	21

It aches,	22
that d u l l	23
t h r o b b i n g	24
ache,	25
to the point where	26
you can’t speak,	27
can’t breathe.	28

But you’re still trying	29
to hold back those tears;	30
making your face turn shades of	31
red,	32
then purple,	33
then blue.	34

And after a while of not	35
breathing,	36
or crying,	37
and just being very, very,	38
quiet,	39
and listening to - people,	40
telling you over	41
and over	42
AGAIN,	43
that you're	44
wrong	45
and just so hopelessly	46
average,	47
that your vision starts fading	48
in	49
and	50
out	51
in shades of	52
red and black.	53

Then you start to hear things	54
very LOUD,	55
then very soft.	56
To the point where it all	57
blendstogethertomake	58
ONEBIGMASSIVENOISE.	59
Just HaRsH and indistinct,	60
making the blood	61
pound like	62
war drums	63
in your	64
ears.	65

E v e n t u a l l y ,	66
those tears start flowing	67
in silver,	68
acidic	69
s	70
t	71
r	72
e	73
a	74
m	75
s	76
despite your gallant efforts to stop them.	77

And the lump’s still there,	78
and you still can’t breathe,	79
and your face is blue,	80
and your vision is blurry,	81
and your hearing is shot.	82

Now you’re	83
s h a k i ng,	84
‘cause it all	85
f	86
e	87
l	88
l	89
a p a r t,	90
right there,	91
in the middle of the Italian restaurant.	92

I should stop trying to be an optimist.	93
Maybe then things like this would stop happening.	94

~Thinknerd:
I would indeed cut the last two lines if they weren't a bit of an inside joke . . .

28 May 03

Rated 8 (7.3) by 4 users.

Active (4): 5, 8, 9, 9, 10
Inactive (11): 2, 2, 4, 5, 8, 8, 8, 9, 10, 10

(define the words in this poem)
(9 more poems by this author)

(9 users consider this poem a favorite)

baby_boo
cthestion
giovanni
girlwhocries
HighonU
LetMeDie
Muffins
shakeit
treerain

Add A Comment:

Comments:

I think I got confused, but I'm not sure. . .
— unknown

you win.

cut lines 93 and 94.
— thinknerd

I'd like to hear the inside joke but whether I do or not, I still like this. Good work.
— unknown

Presentation is everything! This has it all and I understand and FELT the poem. Which is the whole point of poetry.
— Isabelle5

i love this, even the last two lines fit- your style being the end with abruptness type- maybe its only cause i sorta know what they mean. . .
— treerain

omg.. this is amazing.. i love it..
— unknown

I love this poem, itz truly amazing.. i have gone back and read it several times.. Terrific job!!
— Muffins

I couldn't get past the streaming 'streams'; the cutesy formatting distracts me too much. Even before that, the cutesy formatting made me only read about half of the lines, but 'streams' killed my ability to continue any further.

Cutesy formatting is very difficult to do without getting obnoxious; I'd recommend staying away from it as much as possible, as the rewards aren't even that great, typically, and here it really doesn't benefit.
— semaj

Fantastic form, layout and presentation, absolutely fantastic. (This empowers the reader to envision the subject matter with minimal strain to the imagination - a commendable bonus). A truly captivating and possessive piece. You capture the emotion perfectly although I don't feel entirely confident with regards to the success of lines 83-94. Still, this oozes with brilliance. Love it...
— unknown

i like it. i think it communicates somethinf familiar, and the cutsy layout helps. i dont like being told what im feeling, so i dont like the author forcing me into the 2nd person- "you did this, you did that, your face is blue, your hearing is shot..."
why not "my"?
— unknown

Absolutely loved it.  The presentation helped me feel the poem!
— escondo

meh. stylistically it's the b rated version of a cummings poem. when you take it away the poem reads more lucidly. I'd say try it again without the visuals.
— beatbitch

Ooh...this is my favorite type of form...reminds me of...me. Scary.
— unknown

good 'page poetry' is hard to pull off - I don't think you have done it here.
— unknown

uhh wow.
— bob

UBER good. i mean UUUUUUUUUUUUBBBBBBBEEEEEEERRRRRRR good!
— unknown

Yay!! go heathers on the all time fav's list!
— treerain

Indeed I like this.  Wow I really do.  I too Felt this.  Excellent form, hehe reminds me of Cummings who is my favorite.  Keep the last two lines, they give a slight hint of irony to the poem.  Great Job.
— willow

Very good, simple yet I felt everything you were saying. The layout was very well done as well and helped to give shape to the piece.
— voidofcourse

i love the way the title fits with this.  nicely done.
— unknown

Cummings! though your lines are more orderly--don't cut the last two, they're original
— llama

awesome
— unknown

can't we move on to something beyond this?
— unknown

I love this poem! I am usually not crazy about formats like these, but it really works here. Also, optimism is an amazing trait. Don't let people tell you any different.
— bluepisces

i like this. and the ending couplet too, it showsa hint of irony. go optimism ay.
— wendz

i like it. the imagery with the words set up like they are is probably what makes this as cool as it is.
— shakeit

stuttered is stupid how you wrote it.. well im not a fan. if ur going for imagry that doesnt work well to me... other may like it, i dont
— meghanmidget

ok this is fine but i dont think its really worthy of being on the top rated list ... im sorry..its a good poem but there are better that should be on the Top Rated list.
— unknown

hey don't yell at me.. i didn't put it on the list.
— BlueNymph

i didnt yell at you lol
— unknown

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