| Sticks and Stones and Broken Promises
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Isabelle5
| Words whistle like a verbal whip | 1 |
through the air, landing | 2 |
on my cheek in a raw whisper. | 3 |
The look you wear is causing damage, | 4 |
shattering my fragile inner places. | 5 |
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Random girls who trade the soap | 6 |
for your tongue on their bodies, | 7 |
leaning back against you, | 8 |
froth and foam mingling beneath | 9 |
the window where you rise | 10 |
on tip-toe, craning your neck | 11 |
to make sure my car is there, | 12 |
silent in its space. | 13 |
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Shards of glassine words | 14 |
sparkle with frosty rainbows, | 15 |
roses sharpen their thorns | 16 |
against my hands | 17 |
and I go home, | 18 |
sliding my fingers along the broken | 19 |
edges of the cast iron staircase, | 20 |
where rust blooms in oxygen-rich breaths | 21 |
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but first, I move my car. | 22 |
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22 Sep 05 |
Rated 10 (8.7) by 1 users.
Active (1): 9, 10
Inactive (4): 8, 8, 9
(define the words in this poem)
(248 more poems by this author)
(2 users consider this poem a favorite)
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Comments:
whoa. sharp vivid imagery. ouch. perfect.
— SteelAngel
Let me get back to you on this. I read it once and I don't understand it. This calls for rereading 2 or 3 times in my case. All I can say now is that the words you used are great. (; Keep on writing! (;
— ducktape
Amazing. Amazing. Ack. Amazing. Didn't spare the word that time. I dont believe this. I went to see if you had written something else. How did I miss this before? It was like... I was thinking of my mood, my day, my things, and then I read it, it was there. Which makes no sense, because when you wrote this, it could have been about something completely opposite to what I'm feeling, and still, I relate. Universal, and astounding.
— shadowskiss
I think this is a beautiful piece.
Not sure about 'word-glass'
but, I love the last stanza.
I dig all the stanzas---umm
'...whistle like a silent whip...'
I like it yet it's a bit abstract,
a sound to represent something silent
and yet, I think of a dog-whistle--
only silent to some---
anyway.
I love this poem,
but think is deserves a better title.
— Krttika
What title would you make? I wanted a reference to the big old lie that words can never hurt you. They actually can hurt more, and more deeply, than sticks and stones, don't you think? Thank you for the comments. I'm always still stunned when people like my words.
— Isabelle5
Isabelle,
You have a strong poem here,
why give it with a commonplace title?
I am intimate with verbal abuse/ lies/ etc.
and know all too well the effect-
That matters not.
I thought an original title that captures
the essence of this poem
would be a great compliment to a great piece.
But, just ignore my suggestion-
what the hell do I know anyway-
"Not much"---so I've been told.
~Krttika
— unknown
I guess I think of a title as a hint to what's coming in the poem. I try to title my poems that way. The title, to me, denotes what the reader will find.
I guess I don't understand how you find it not good enough and I'm curious how you would make it better. Not as a challenge, since I like the title, but to try to see what you mean.
— Isabelle5
I think this is really good. Makes sense.
— Roz
now this is what i'm talking about, straight to my heart!
"sliding my fingers along the broken
edges of the cast iron staircase, "
brilliant, one of my favs.
:)
— Odin
I'm giddy with the applause in my ears. Thank you, everyone who commented and liked it a bit. imc
— Isabelle5
I really liked you wording in the first stanza. over all I thought it was a great poem.
— Eisleystime
Isabelle5,
I think a title is very important. I, as you, use a title to give a heads-up on what's coming.
Sometimes I dig a title as the definition of an entire piece. Mostly I want to say that it was
just my humble opinion that the title of this poem should be different. If you feel that what you've
used is the best option, then who am I to disagree---the poem is excellent.
— Krttika
This title is kind of like my Fairy Tales and Alimony. The title itself is ironic and does give a clue to the content. In this case, words are the weapon and the Sticks and Stones is the reference to that, but you have to know the American poem that children learn, "Sticks and stones can break my bones but words can never hurt me."
Right, if only!
— Isabelle5
fragile inner places is one too may adjectives. id kill one.
Shards of word, glass would work much better
for your tongue (kill on their bodies)
Words whistle like a silent whip (whistle or silent? which is it? cant be both)
how bout
words whistle, sibilant whips
in shared air, landing
on my face in a raw whisper.
The look you wear is (wreaking its) damage,
shattering my fragile places.
very powerful
i cant decide whether i like or hate the punchline. it seems too clever. but it is funny. i love the car watching thing.
— noodleman
The car thing - my friend can see out his bathroom window to where I have to park my car since I haven't been assigned a carport yet. He knows when I leave for work, if I'm sick and don't go, etc. It's our joke that he can sneak girls in if my car is gone. He doesn't do that currently but I love to mix my reality with some fantasy. The cast iron rusting staircase is real, I love it.
Will consider comments (many considerations of things I have myself noticed should be changed). Thank you for the read and the notes.
— Isabelle5
Completely awesome.
— unknown
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