| DREAMED DREAMS (discovering there's a fine line between a dreamer and a loser)
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DICE
| Dreamed dreams dripped down | 1 |
from up above, | 2 |
contained in | 3 |
thick drops of rain, from | 4 |
celestial skys | 5 |
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Dreamed dreams emanated from words | 6 |
triggered in brains | 7 |
exploding in tongues | 8 |
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Dreamed dreams came by, at | 9 |
just the right time | 10 |
like shooting stars, in | 11 |
a cinematic sky | 12 |
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Dreamed dreams existed, in | 13 |
lost lottery tickets | 14 |
riding wind-waves, through | 15 |
inner-city alleys, | 16 |
waiting to be found | 17 |
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Dreamed dreams shot-up | 18 |
into the air | 19 |
lighting the night | 20 |
in firework light | 21 |
crying out | 22 |
here we are! | 23 |
here we are! | 24 |
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I dreamed; | 25 |
dreamed dreams | 26 |
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But I never lived: | 27 |
never looked | 28 |
never seeked | 29 |
never found | 30 |
just dreamed, | 31 |
and waited | 32 |
for them to: drip! fow! ride! fly! shoot! | 33 |
into existence, | 34 |
but they never did | 35 |
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and when I finally did, | 36 |
finally did awake, from | 37 |
the dreamers | 38 |
dream-world, I | 39 |
realized, I | 40 |
was already dead | 41 |
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7 Oct 05 |
Rated 5 (6.3) by 1 users.
Active (1): 5
Inactive (2): 7, 7
(define the words in this poem)
(26 more poems by this author)
(1 user considers this poem a favorite)
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Add A Comment:
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Comments:
Very long for the repetition. Very long for the content. Can you shorten it up? I like the first repetition and I like the surprise ending but there is a lot in the middle that adds nothing but belly to the poem.
— Isabelle5
It's a little shorter now. Do you still think it is too long, I'm thinking of taking out lines 18-22.
— DICE
Keep 1-5, 23-29, and 33-47.
The rest just makes me...not like it
The title is really good, and makes me want a better, more concise poem
— unknown
This is a great start........
And has the makings of an excellent poem.
— schotsy
I think this is as short as I can make it. Even though everybody else seems to think it's too long.
— DICE
my advice: "dreamed dreams" would not only rhyme better, but also 'dreamt' is not officially a word in the english language-- it is merely a vernacular/ sort of misprounciation thing.
— unknown
hey well its good and well ill post another soon and just wondering what where you dreaming about
— lilmonster
Thanks for the advice, I think your right it does rhyme better this way.
— DICE
alot better
— unknown
good thought behind it. really can relate...
but yeah, maybe shorten it a little and get rid of some of the repetition?
— lyom
find out more about DICE at http://www.myspace.com/s ic_dice
blog address: http://blog.myspace.com /sic_dice
— DICE
oh, i like this! like a non seq dream which becomes very clear only after rambling on about it for a bit-bravo!
— unknown
well, I like the repetition it allows the poem to have the type of sound I like when saying it out loud.
— DICE
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