| The Great Connector
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themolly
| The cord we believed into existence is undulating slowly, | 1 |
writhing in deliberate seizure, | 2 |
calling action. | 3 |
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My ears ring like seven years ago, | 4 |
for the first time in seven years | 5 |
I can hear again; | 6 |
only because you're listening. | 7 |
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This nudging is not coming from me. | 8 |
I have no sight beyond this. | 9 |
I am reduced to anxious nauseous dizziness, | 10 |
and the cord is all I see. | 11 |
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10 Oct 05 |
Rated 8 (8) by 3 users.
Active (3): 6, 9, 9
Inactive (0):
(define the words in this poem)
(51 more poems by this author)
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Comments:
writhe is a verb...to writhe.
— unknown
so is run. run is a verb, and you can be in a deliberate run.
Anymore semantics?
— unknown
doesn't make sense
— unknown
sure it does.
— unknown
i like when writers play with words like you've done with writhe. Don't let anyone talk you out of that line. It's brilliant.
i love the idea of having a constant connection with that one person...overpassing all the time and space between you. You put it down well, girl. i felt it.
i feel compelled to ask you who this is about (since I know you). Tell me it's not MK.
— Estrella
nice
— unknown
heck no this is not about you know who, (though in afterthought, it just as well could be).
once i'm in love, i'm in for life. not just once, but many different times...
— unknown
constructive crits welcome. I know this could be improved upon.
— unknown
in l1, the word 'churning' doesn't work for me. i guess i'm having a hard time imaging a cord churning. undulating, maybe?
l2: i have to agree with the earlier comment about 'writhe.' would something like "buzzing, writhing deliberately" work for you?
l10: "nauseous" is misspelled, but i'm ashamed to say, i can't seem to grasp the correct spelling myself right now.
this is a really nice poem. l6-7 are definately my favorites. nice job.
— Catbox
thanks
— unknown
what about now?
— unknown
>>Anymore semantics?
– unknown<<
— unknown
what flavor of semantics are you up for?
— unknown
Title help por favor
— unknown
eek
— themolly
eek?
— unknown
for the title...or just eek?
— unknown
eh?
— themolly
line 1: believed ....... willed into existence
your action or your attention?
for the first time in all these years
I have no pull beyond this
Actually, it's exquisite as is. As a reader though, I sensed alternates, but not necessarily improvements-- probably deprovements.
When I logon to rate it will be a fullsome ten
— unknown
thank you
— unknown
nice poem.
— hank
thank you hank
— unknown
:)
— unknown
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