poetry critical

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we had a good trip, thank you
bear

There is a sad place where all the poets go.
 1
They eat the bread of life and
 2
instantly they are taken there.
 3
They can sit and dream about
 4
the clouds and of love
 5
uninterupted by the rest of the world.
 6
 
 
There is a merry place where all the children go.
 7
They crawl through a pipe and
 8
on the otherside they will see
 9
blue misted moutains and purple hills.
 10
They will play the games of my youth
 11
and will never be called to dinner
 12
by their impersonal mothers and hateful fathers.
 13
 
 
There is a dark place where the cowboys ride.
 14
They jump over the fire and through the smoke.
 15
In this place the work is done
 16
but hunger is always there.
 17
They are safe from humanity
 18
but they cannot hide from themselves.
 19
 
 
There is a place I need to return to.
 20
I never want to go back, but the need is there.
 21
Thousands of people staring at me.
 22
Thousands not caring about my fate.
 23
Millions blaming me for the thing
 24
I never could have done,
 25
but some how I became the scape goat.
 26
 
 
I hope you can come with me
 27
to escape the world and become
 28
addicted to that place where you
 29
will belong in time enough.
 30

13 Oct 05


(define the words in this poem)
(157 more poems by this author)



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Comments:

any comments? please?
 — bear

i changed the title.
 — bear

i like it.
 — noodleman

its like a song you sing with just a guitar and theres a lot of smoke and an old whore in teh corner of the bar who'll take out her dentures for an extra buck and a guy they call "the kernel" only he was just a private first class and johnny cash i s most of the jukebox.
 — noodleman

thanks noodleman, that means a lot coming from you. is that a song?
 — bear

i actually sang it out loud when i read it. it sings nicely. :)
 — noodleman

haha, actually i had a tune when i got the third stanza in my head. i just added the other two before that one. i wasn't sure how it would turn out, but i think you understand it. my friends would get it in fragments but no one could see the whole picture.
 — bear

anyone else?
 — bear

this is very interesting.  (;

*hums to beatles song*  \"ther-er-er-er-ere............there's a place.....where i can go...."  (;

i like your form.
 — ducktape

what song is that duckie? im glad you think it is interesting!
 — bear

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