poetry critical

online poetry workshop

Tooting His Way

It was clear
right from the start,
this Columbus dude,
he had to fart.
He let one rip-  to start his trip;
the wind doth blow,
the waves below,
and pushed the Pinta to and fro.
His gassy ass, on second ship,
still had to pass that smelly gas.
So Nina too, got blown right through
across Atlantic Ocean blue.
To toss and dip that fair 'lil ship,
The weather stunk in ninety two.
Santa Maria still remained,
not yet stinky, not yet maimed.
Chris hollered back to
first mate;
Howdy friend, its not too late.
Eat your beans, and cabbage too
We'll get that ship at last to move.
So shipmates gobbled up some gruel,
which created needed nasty gassy tool.
They let it fly, things held high,
to grunt and fart a healthy start.
Alas! Thier wind was not enough,
The Saint Marie made of sterner stuff.
Some men they rowed, while others groaned,
They called "more gruel, more gassy foods,
we need more air, more farts to clear,
to get this ship pushed into gear".
So after feasting all the night,
they spread their buttcheeks,
pushed with might.
A healthy sound was heard, far and wide,
then the Santa Maria at last did glide.
By eating well
and farting with glory,
you too, can create a legend's story.
Just as:
Columbus discovered America,
the headlines glare;
He did it with force, and might, no fear!
He tooted his way across the sea
to create a home -- for you and me.

14 Oct 05

Rated 10 (7.6) by 1 users.
Active (1): 10
Inactive (9): 2, 3, 4, 5, 9, 10, 10, 10, 10

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(1 user considers this poem a favorite)

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I had to laugh,

 — unknown

I know, scatological humor is sophomoric, but this just cracks me up.  I have no idea how I came to write this! But, it is SO funny.
 — unknown

 — Maxximmuss

Funny .... and it's got a bet you can dance too .... liked the wind section
 — Canuckster

ohmygod, not another gas poem!!!  
 — Isabelle5


This is one hell of a funny look at those poor bastards who sailed the seas in search of whatever they were in search of. This is the best thing i've read today and boy have i read today.
 — larrylark

Thanks, larrry!

And, to someone else: Hey! a four?  One can rate for content, but thats subjective, and therefore not neccesarily a fair thing to judge on.  

And for others, thanks!  I appreciate the comments!!

I am changing the title, This is my third try... if anyone can think of something more fitting, I am interested.  

I think this is the sort of poem that appeals to pubescent boys. I have a real market for this!  LOLOLOL!!!
 — unknown

oh come on. this is not poetry

i mean, i suppose i can see how SOMEONE might enjoy this, but please! dig deeper!
 — alana

Why would you expect more than a 4?  This is not great poetry, it's not going to last 200 years, it's a poem about farts!  I think my 4 was generous!  Really, were you hoping for the top rated?  I can't take this seriously and I did not suppose you meant it that way.

I rate based on the merits I find in the poem.  I am sick to death of potty humor and so, gave the poem a 4.  
 — Isabelle5

I find the 10's on this disturbing and almost offensive.  Compared to the real "top rated," this should not be getting 10's!  Those should be saved for the best.

Why do we even bother with rating anymore?  Any piece of gas can end up getting superior points merely for being naughty.
 — unknown

---> HAHA isabella, dear, it just made recent best.  Now, that is justice!  
----->Alana, poetry: A piece of literature written in meter; verse, so I guess it is =)

Hell, ppl, I am not defending it.  I was the first to say it was sophomoric.  But there is a line between saying it is silly or childish and saying it is bad.   I know its not bad, in fact, I think it to be quite clever... verse and inside rhyme etc.  Further, the idea of a Sailor making his own wind, that's just comedy.  

So, its not literature either, but I am PLEASED to add a little levity to someone's day.  We need it here, with some of our topics being such that they are.

All best to all.  
 — unknown

This made me smile. It is pretty well done, despite itself.
 — unknown

I don't mind levity.  I write humor very often. I don't find farting jokes to be good poetry no matter how "well" they are written.   I didn't say it wasn't well written, I said it's not good poetry.

The fact of it making top is not because it's good, it's because of the shock value.

I stand by my vote but it's nice that this is democratic and I don't make the choices myself.
 — Isabelle5

If you think it's good and it's well received, where's your name, Poet?  Just curious.  

Maybe I'll think it's clever on Monday.  
 — Isabelle5

  A good job, and yes, a slightly off-color topic.  But, what really deserves are 10 is these comments.  Why is it we can have poems about  slayings, violence, incest, drugs use, suicide, depression, homocide, blood, guts, vomit, periods, semen, penis, vagina, oral fixations, and a plethora of four letter words like fuck and shit; but something as natural as digestion gives us pause? Thats just silly.
 — 5foot3

I agree with Isabella, though, poet come forward.  Only bc I want to see what else you've done.
 — 5foot3

{Isabelle5, I mean, sorry, I picked up your name from someone else's comments-- are there really four other Isablle's on here?  whatever, moving on---  sorry, unknown, don't mean to clog up your section}
 — 5foot3

um. needed nasty gassy tool.  I don't know whether to laugh or cry?
 — unknown

it has a certain air about it
 — unknown

Last comment was funny!
-writer of said poem
 — unknown

Dear Unknown

you find 10's for this disturbing? GET A LIFE!
 — larrylark

Subject matter really shouldn't play into the vote.  

Judge on the merit of the writing, cadence, meter, rhyme, creativity and then at the end, just sit back and ask yourslef, did I enjoy the read and did it make me smile?

Benjamin Franklin wrote some of the most offensive and witty prose I've ever seen about subject just like this, becuase he was intelligent, sophisticated AND had a sense of humor and ability to enjoy life.

People take themselves and their art way too seriously at times.  Loosen up and enjoy the moment.
 — Canuckster

Yes, I agree with those who said look for style and technical skill or ability, and not worry about content, as this is purely a matter of personal preference.  Lots of things on here that I would not dream of writing about. But, I understand that is what art is about-- personal expression.  We won't all like the same music, the same painiting, the same poems.  But, to be an honest judge of them, we take subjectivity out of the way and make judgement on other factors.  Anyway, this poem is extremely well written, regardless of its subject.
 — unknown

It's just plain boring.
 — unknown

  Any more input?!  I am about to submit this for publication.  NOT!   grin grin grin!!!   Though, as the OP, I DO like it.    I dont think anyone here has actually given me suggestions for change.
 — unknown

What do you mean OP?
 — unknown

OP = Original Poster

And as far as anything else, maybe just polish it some more.  Of course, you can polish a turn all you want ... you might even make it shine, but it's primary nature is not altered.  In the end, this will be gone with the wind.
 — unknown

It lacks nobility.  Glad you like it but if you're really proud of it as you say, don't hide behind Unknown.  
 — unknown

I'm not hiding behind you, unknown. If I were, I'd totally goose you.
 — unknown

What the heck oh I laughed so hard through this. What the heck. I don't even have anything else to say. Interesting commentary below, though.
 — gem_grrrl