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Rumpled Patchwork Coat
larrylark

A play of colours,
 1
chameleon, tortoiseshell,
 2
rainbow in a cloudless sky,
 3
stippled, marbled, patchwork coat
 4
of many marvellous colours
 5
draped around thin shoulders
 6
as you sullenly spin gold.
 7
 
 
The gilded harlequin waves
 8
from outside the gate,
 9
What name? What plot or tale?
 10
Who are these gaolers
 11
turning your wheel
 12
waiting on the brightness of tomorrow
 13
when once more, he'll return
 14
and ask of you his name?
 15
You will not remember
 16
in spite of his rage.
 17

15 Oct 05


(define the words in this poem)
(623 more poems by this author)



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Comments:

Likewise on the first tanza, a knockout.  The second stanza reads almost like a victorian play.  Maybe you need to act that one out ... doing justice to the questions marks as well.  Line 15 - good choice of punctuation there, clever!
"gilded harlequin" - beautiful
I have not seen the word "gaolers" used ever since I was learning English in Bulgaria some 13 years ago.  Wonderful.  
Maria
 — slancho

Thanks Maria your comments are really useful and have given me a pick me up. I wonder if jailer might be better than goaler,i used the latter to create an old fashioned feel. Does goaler sound like and look like a word to describe a keeper in a football match?

Larry
 — unknown

For some reason Jesus and the technicolor dreamcoat came to my mind when I read this.
 — madderhatter

Dera Maderhatter

I must confess that wasn't in my mind when i wrote this but i can see how you might make that connection.

Larry
 — larrylark

Well, Larry, coming from someone who is currently residing in England, 'gaoler' sounds just fine to me (it is not goaler, which would invoke football more to me).  Let's see how much people pay attention.  I think you should keep the word as it is, you are correct to identify it creates an old fashined feel that is perfect.  I also like the way 'gaoler' invites an alternative sounding out, almost like you have to pause, swallow and then get it out of your mouth.  That is why I said this one feels like being acted out.
cheers
maria  
 — slancho

Dear Maria

Your input is greatly appreciated .Hope you are having a good time here in England.

Larryy
 — larrylark

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