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asking directions in peru
Ananke

I've heard you must
 1
be careful the roads in Peru.
 2
Be careful the strangers'
 3
beamish faces
 4
 
 
which greet you intimately,
 5
a long lost friend!
 6
 
 
They then offer false directions
 7
(it would be improper to give none)
 8
because they've no idea what you're asking,
 9
so they send you on your way, lost.
 10
 
 
But it doesn't matter; you
 11
don't need to know where you
 12
are going. It is Peru; you are in Peru.
 13
Wherever you go is Peru.
 14

15 Oct 05

Rated 8.3 (8.3) by 3 users.
Active (3): 7, 8, 10
Inactive (7): 7, 7, 7, 8, 9, 10, 10

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Comments:

nice poem.
 — hank

thanks. it's about a guy... i have been struggling to write a poem about this guy for a long time... for it was promised. and i cut him out of my life, don't talk to him anymore, but i promised a poem, and i figured i'd put it up here before i gave it to him to see if it would fly
 — Ananke

i love the length of the thought.
the line breaks get me tangled up in the end.
id like them a little more straighforward.
the last four phrases knell nicely.
 — gnormal

Super!  The same thing happens in China, I hear--it's impolite not to try, so everybody does...also in stores they won't usually tell you they don't carry an item, even if they don't, they'll say they're "sold out" of it.
 — calysar

this is so good.
one small nit - so many 'ands'
lines 7, 9 & 11 - you really don't need those 'and's'

sam
 — unknown

wonderful.  your poems always have that necessary sense of wholeness which is lacking in many pieces here--my own included.  whoever receives this poem should be flattered, it is just terrific.
 — root

happens in india too...
cool poem.
-varun-
 — unknown

This is really a gem just needing a bit of retouching that you'll do in time.   The finish makes it -a real keeper-.   About a guy?  Well, there's no such hint of that to -us-... but no matter!  Let the poem stand on its literal meanings.  Just some polishings that you can and will do, will make it perfect.  cheers!  Reid.
 — netskyIam

i stumble over all the ands in the middle.
slightly confusing line breaks at the end,
but nothing that a couple of reads doesn't help untangle.
i like the repetition. litany almost. nice.

did you give it him yet?
 — kaleidazcope

no, i'm a chickenhead
 — Ananke

I get the same feeling trudging round Preston and the old gits in Bolton don't even know where their town hall is.
 — larrylark

great work, if there is such a thing as tourist poem, you captured it.

: )

l14-l15--classic.
 — crepaway

Revisiting this sweet, smart poem.   At one time I felt as you do regarding caps and punctuation.  For this poem, I really think that a more regular-scheme of caps and commas will stand it upright,  even better, for a wider audience of comprehensibility.  

Here's -one way- I'd suggest.   A few words touched, too.


I have heard you must
1
be careful on the roads in Peru.
2
Be careful, the strangers'
3
beamish faces
4


they greet you intimately,
5
a long lost friend !
6


Then they offer false directions
7
(it would be improper to give none)
8
because they've no idea what you're asking,
9
so they send you on your way
10


lost. You're lost but
11
it didn't matter,  you
12
didn't need to know where you
13
were going in Peru you are in Peru.
14
Wherever you go is Peru.
15
 — netskyIam

I don't really feel strongly about caps or no caps. Just, sometimes I do it, sometimes I don't. This poem felt like a no-caps poem, but I will try it out the way you've suggested. Thanks netsky :)
 — Ananke

hmm. however, "I've" is my favorite contraction, so I'm going to keep that one.
 — Ananke

I'm always looking for metaphor.  I think I found one I like.
I usually don't go for repetition, but Peru works for me in this one.
On the other hand, I don't think you need the second lost in l11.
You have some tense confusion in the last strophe.  You're lost is present, you didn't is past.  Better as you don't need to know...
 — housepoppy

Thanks housepoppy. I changed the first lost, and the line breaks a little.

At first I was unsure about changing the tenses, but I'll try it out, the more I step away from the poem, the more it seems you are right. It really changes the meaning of the poem a little, but I don't know how to fix that. (With the present tense, it makes it not matter now that they are already lost... sort of. With the past tense, it didn't matter when they were giving the directions). I'll leave it this way for a bit and see what I/others think, but do you see how I think it changes the meaning?
 — Ananke

still enjoy it!  still bothered by 12-13.  frustrating because you need that nice ending.  the last line is so nice, it's as though you are wandering the plains in the whole way through, then suddenly at the end, you come through a clearing and there you are on top, found.  
once i was hiked along way.  
i thought the trail was mostly lateral.
but suddenly i came to a cliff
and found i was really on top.
even though the scenery never changed.
but i still get tangled up in 12-13 so the momentum i wish for is lost.
 — gnormal

did you give it to him yet?
 — gnormal

Peru is the place i always dream of going to ever since may mum stitched a red diagonal slash across my Preston North End white football shirt because it was the shirt i adored and in those far away days when you couldn't buy such things in shops.You are right,Peru is as ever where i am right now.Great poem,brought back a lot for me.

Larry Lark
 — unknown

O Joy, bless random poem.  I love travel, I love losing myself in unknown places,
thanks for taking me to Peru with you
 — unknown

i love it when old poems resurface.
beautiful.
 — unknown

gnormal - I gave it to him. He appreciated it, but we still don't talk, even though we promised each other we would.
 — Ananke

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