| My Last Smoke
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bear
| I put the cigarette in my mouth | 1 |
in order to look cool | 2 |
and like I did not care | 3 |
that I was about to die. | 4 |
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Death was my friend now. | 5 |
I would love to ride his horse | 6 |
to see the pearly gates | 7 |
or smell the sulphur, | 8 |
it just depends. | 9 |
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I should have known, | 10 |
I should have known | 11 |
working for him would kill me. | 12 |
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Working for him is like playing | 13 |
Russian Roulette with an automatic-- | 14 |
you cannot win, it was silly of me | 15 |
to think that I could cheat the devil himself. | 16 |
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I lit my cigarette | 17 |
because I knew | 18 |
that I was dead. | 19 |
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16 Oct 05 |
Rated 8 (8.5) by 1 users.
Active (1):
Inactive (1): 8, 9
(define the words in this poem)
(157 more poems by this author)
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Comments:
"Sulphor" is really "sulphur," just so you know. I liked the title of this. Love the last stanza. Very symbolic.
— pennylane
Thank you, I made the changes.
— bear
i like this.
— aerol
i like it it doesnt rhyme, its good to read ap oem lke that every once in a while...just because im really into spoken word poetry and i read this aloud to myslef and it had great flow....im giving it a 9 last stanza is great....i feel like that every time i lite one up....and im trying to quit....so that i can feel alive?
— activism87
i forgot to leave the 9 lol
— activism87
thanks a lot, it was inspired by a movie called the "usual suspects" i just saw it and it rocks. you should really try and quit, i have an occasional cigarette, especially when i drink, but my mom found a pack in my room and i promised i would quit. and my girl friend doesnt like it and i'm a runner. but i mean i'm not trying to tell you what to do, but if you want to quit, i think you can do it. and who knows, maybe you will feel more alive.
— bear
i poo pooed my pants love - bear
— unknown
thank you? does that mean you like it, or that well i'm not sure what your trying to say. and are you calling me love? or are you saying love, bear. and i thought i was bear. needless to say i'm mildly confused.
— bear
woah
— bear
can i blow the dust off of this?
— bear
line 5 could be a sentence on its own
line 6 change "and" to "to"
line 14 could end in a colon or a dash i think and then line 15 could have a full stop instead of a comma
line 16 you could take out "that" and then the sentnce length would be more uniform
line 17 could change "my" to "that"
lines 18 and 19 i like to read this part as:
because I knew
that I was already dead.
i don't know if that's what you want to say, but i like it more.
— inutile
made some changes
— bear
suggestion: just add one more - to the end of line 14. that way it's used properly and looks a lot better. --
i like this poem. (; good jorb with it. keep on writing!
— ducktape
genuine.
— emptyepitaph
thanks for pointing that out duckie!
thanks empty!
— bear
ok. nice! (:
— ducktape
yes
— bear
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