poetry critical : poem

Neighbor's dog barking/can't sleep

5:30 AM	1

shackled to the	2
fence dividing our	3
yards	4

on a 5ft	5
chain	6

yellow lab	7
paws the size of pancakes	8
blank eyes of a great white	9

"woof woof woof"	10

young	11
20 or less	12
a baby	13

I'd never seen	14
her or the baby	15

glimpses of him	16
heading to work?	17
wrinkled khakis -	18
acne - untucked white	19
shirts	20

cell phone glued to his face	21

a rusted maroon Saturn	22
missing pressure in all the	23
tires	24

"woof woof woof"	25

I'm not good	26
with the whole	27
confrontation thing	28

"either you go over	29
there or I'm going"	30

but she means business	31

and	32

she's a hothead	33

plus	34

we're new to the	35
neighborhood	36

on the porch,	37
stuffing untied	38
laces into the sides of	39
my shoes	40

"woof woof woof	41
woof woof woof"	42

their upstairs light is on	43
their living room light is on	44

I can see my breath	45

door is slightly ajar	46

rap	47
rap	48
rap	49

techno music	50
from upstairs	51

rap	52
rap	53
rap	54

"woof woof woof woof"	55

"hello?"	56

rap	57
rap	58

the door gives way a	59
bit under the speed of	60
my knuckles	61

cat piss	62
ammonia	63

and the unmistakable stench	64
of rotten human	65

beat me back	66

lines of water	67
shot from my	68
eyes	69

the little fucker is	70
sitting on the living room floor	71
in a pile of shit,	72
all over his hands	73
on his face	74

in his mouth,	75
eyes	76

she comes stumbling	77
from the kitchen	78
in a pair of cut	79
off jeans and nothing	80
else	81

red eyes - like someones been	82
scratching fingernails against	83
them for days on end	84

puffy white	85
blisters	86

lining	87
the perimeter of	88
her lips	89

"woof woof woof woof woof"	90

17 Oct 05

Rated 7 (7) by 2 users.

Active (2): 6, 8
Inactive (0):

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Comments:

This is absolutely vapid doggerel posing as substantive narrative.  On myriad levels. Not to mention poorly broken, uninteresting prose.

Other than that, it is really great!

Nicky
— noodleman

Not sure what's going on here.  Who is dead?  The husband?  What happened about the dog?
— Isabelle5

Wow, Nicky, you don't take it lying down!
— unknown

i might take it from fydor himself but not from some pissant poseur posting poop.
— noodleman

woof woof!
— unknown

its not all that poetic, and there are other negatives, but it's got momentum. I enjoyed reading it tbh
— b00

I think this is revolting.
— unknown

woof?
— unknown

haha
— jittery

this is odd, but interesting at the same time.
nice
— SweetPain

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