Comments:
Your wording sort of jolted, however, a few tugs here and there as far as tenses, and such should help that along. My suggestions in form of revision:
Looking through old photos,
reflections of my past,
I think back to days gone by,
and times not meant to last
Longing to return there,
if only in my mind,
to live the memroy once again
of a moment caught in time
Also, I don't believe you need the "of" in L8. Beyond that, I adore short, effective poems.
— Cinder
Thanks, but I thought that looking, thinking and longing were sufficient considering I was speaking in the first person. Also, I do think that "of" is essential inthat I was speaking about a memory "of" a moment caught in time. I'm sure I am being too sensitive...this is my first experience sharing my poems. I do want to hear critique - both positive and negative. I'll get over myself eventually. Thanks again...seriously.
— sradams
NO PROBLEM! seriously it's depressing and annoying to hear someone whine like that! I mean really slitting your wrists is childish
— unknown
its kind of boring. i really like the ideas of every sentence, but its just not that poetic.
— unknown
oh, i really like it. the only suggestions i have would be to uncapitalize "to" in line 7. i'd agree with cinder about the "of" but it works either way.
— dannny
Cute little random. Who can't relate?
— Isabelle5
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