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An Aphonic Ascension
b00

I hate the waiting: everyday
 1
another blindfold step
 2
towards a stumbling,
 3
crumbling cliff.
 4
 
 
I feel like running, while others
 5
about me crawl; fumbling
 6
in grassy tufts to brake
 7
their tumbling fall.
 8
 
 
I can hear them now, mumbling
 9
something promised; praying
 10
He hears them and will
 11
sheepishly spare.
 12
 
 
Why hope to grope a clump and cling
 13
long as one can? Strung-out like a
 14
tense trip-rope: these people
 15
threaten to trip me.
 16
 
 
All I want to do is soar! I’ll leap
 17
upon their backs and perhaps
 18
this time, I’ll swing out
 19
across the shore.
 20
 
 
For I know I am next, or next to next, and do
 21
not brace against the call: I turn sightless
 22
face to face it, and soundless
 23
screaming, I shall fall.
 24

24 Oct 05

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Comments:

the only part i stumbled over was 'trip-rope' ... maybe that's the point!  otherwise, i like this a lot, well captured feelings.

- asklepios
 — unknown

thanks,
bit chuffed with this tbh
 — b00

This is amazing!  I love it.
 — Isabelle5

thanks izzy - its rewrite of an older poem i posted a while back.

Any thoughts on punctuation - I want to get this as tight as it can be.

For example, I have a feeling that the second stanza could end with a colon, but I'm not sure.

Also, is the transition between the third and fourth as smooth as it could be?
 — b00
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