| mollusk foot
|
onklcrispy
| amongst rubbish and rubble | 1 |
swatted away soft kisses of july | 2 |
| |
scent of snapdragons | 3 |
dangles in the air | 4 |
heavy, with absence | 5 |
| |
somber whine of violins | 6 |
crafted from each others rusted remains | 7 |
escorts us as we march | 8 |
| |
into the glistening gullet | 9 |
of the bunyip | 10 |
|
minor edit 10/29 |
24 Oct 05 |
Rated 7.8 (7.7) by 6 users.
Active (6): 1, 5, 8, 9
Inactive (18): 1, 1, 1, 4, 7, 8, 9, 9, 9, 9, 9, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10
(define the words in this poem)
(23 more poems by this author)
(6 users consider this poem a favorite)
|
Add A Comment:
|
Comments:
i love your poem
— bettalpha
L7 'other's'
otherwise this is precise perfection. I just wish I got it.
— b00
First define bunyip, then I'll comment. I don't get this at all. I don't get the mollusk connection.
— Isabelle5
the Bunyip is the Australian Sasquatch
— b00
My sister's nickname is Bunyip.
— ersaph
Oh, this is the waltz of the oysters or whatever that poem was that the big thing ate the shelly things!
Now I know and now I love it! Even though it's slobberingly disgusting. You eat them with vinegar and salt, how did that go?
— Isabelle5
wonderfully tasty, teasing more than the pallate! This just reads so natural, very original imagery, like hopping around a July field of tulips ... I love the third stanza, very effective, very sensual associations: "crafted from each others rusted remains" - what better way to talk of time ...
Wonderful and I still owe you a cup of tea.
thank you,
Maria
— slancho
I have been into the glistening gullet of the bunyip, and it is almost as good as your poem.
kitkat
— unknown
What's a bunyip ???
I like the somber whine of violins
— sexfear
http://en.wikipedia. org/wiki/Bunyip
— onklcrispy
I especially enjoy poems that allow--even dare--me to come to my own interpretations and conclusions:
with "swatted away soft kisses of july" I like to think of swatted-away as an original adjective rather than an action.
As much as I enjoyed the rest, the third strophe, with its rusted violins, is a favorite.
— housepoppy
yummy poem, great title. just one suggestion with the second stanza: put "the" in front of "scent" and pluralize "dangle."
Nice work, favorited.
— Catbox
I love snail people and appreciate your slow, cute turn into the throat of succulence. The title needs a grander elegance- it's too obvious. I don't think your tip should be so closed and unflattering. It sounds very like you don't really respect their feet, like you only love the idea.
— C
This is the best thing I've seen on PC in a long, long time.
Started out great, and the ending was quite a surprise.
Second stanza was amazing.
Favourited.
— claudia
I wanna give you a perfect + deep kiss.
— unknown
yes!
— onklcrispy
wow great imagery and sensual awesome---AND SHORT gotta love that
— modioperandi
this is good, but, the top rated?
— infinity
too about nowt
— unknown
It reminds me of Iron and Wine (the band), in a good way.
Are we allowed to make comparisons on here?
— unknown
let me lead you to a quiet place + seduce you with my cool young bones + playful dress
— unknown
again...yes!
— onklcrispy
it would be nice to have some punctuation other than commas or capitalization of any sort. the imagery is nice and the poem itself is artfully constructed, but it lacks a real coherent message. Death, sex, and food are all old hat and most of the images are stereotypical (though 9/10 stand out as relatively original).
The tension between the title and poem is nice, and would be nicer if the poem has some substance to it before the last stanza.
— unknown
Hey! Woah! I'm going to try to get this kissable poem right back where it belongs.
-10-
— graceinmtl
onkl...
why don't I like this?
— themolly
this is nice.
— listen
I keep reading this poem trying to find a point or purpose but I can't. This is absolute nonsense. I am in shock that this has been rated, let alone in the top 15. You hide behind pretty words, afraid to show your soul. That is the point of poetry, soul exposure.
— INC8DYE
that is a most hilarious accusation! thank you apple turd jeans for the old folks! tell marion barry i says!
— onklcrispy
If I still had fingers, I would add this to my favourites.
But someone ate them, or I just can't find them anymore.
I love this, and love you very much, Sir.
--TourGuide
— unknown
How did this crap get back up here?
— INC8DYE
This poem won't go away
It's here to stay
Hurray-- chachacha-Hurray
Onkl Crispy
crunch me lunch me
make my day
— unknown
I hope you are not takeing my attack on this poem personally. I only dislike this poem not you. I hope that someday we can be lovers. Please, mate with me.
— INC8DYE
Singing
Old lovers,
Young at heart,
Puppy Lovers,
Big old kiss,
Both of us,
Co-exist,
hand-in-hand,
WE WILL BE RIPE OLD LOVERS
— INC8DYE
I will reflect on it, INC8DYE, and answer you under your next poem, not Attention Span, but the next one. Promise
— unknown
fughabawha..?
give me lust.
— onklcrispy
Oncl's back! let's glisten glide slippery slide ooze + woozy wonderful. kisskiss
— unknown
We miss your sparkling poetry here. Please post again. There's a flatness without you.
— graceinmtl
Man, if everyone could write like onkl, then we wouldn't need onkl.
Thank god for that.
Yet another piece of ham with the master of awsome rando, king ONKL.
~WOOT~
— tearsofblood
This breathtaking poem needed to be aired. Its owner is Money-Hooning, so here goes.
— borntodance
use of the word snapdragons is refreshing. as is the rest.
— listen
oh. already commented, sorry.
— listen
kineeeeelllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll
— Barnabee
Boring!
— unknown
A Yowie is the Australian version of Sasquatch, a Bunyip is/was a small Panther like predator often mentioned in Aboriginal folklore, it probably became extinct well before European settlement but many people living in remote areas claim to have seen the creature.
— unknown
Srdačni čestitke!
deset
— banditfemme
|
|
|