poetry critical

online poetry workshop



For the poets I met at the cafe
fdostoev

I want
 1
a hat
 2
 
 
that says
 3
 
 
"hey, I'm
 4
a fucking poet
 5
 
 
a real
 6
literary
 7
type
 8
 
 
I've got these
 9
deep thoughts
 10
see, you just
 11
wouldn't understand
 12
 
 
I don't go
 13
for your
 14
pop culture
 15
bullshit
 16
 
 
I live outside
 17
the fabric of
 18
time"
 19
 
 
but, I can't
 20
find the
 21
color I
 22
want,
 23
 
 
slate grey,
 24
 
 
you know,
 25
something
 26
brooding
 27
 
 
esoteric,
 28
 
 
but brooding
 29
 
 
and the
 30
style,
 31
 
 
it's gotta
 32
be just
 33
right
 34
 
 
I've got
 35
these
 36
delicate
 37
cheekbones
 38
 
 
and
 39
 
 
I don't
 40
want the
 41
hat
 42
 
 
you know
 43
 
 
taking
 44
emphasis
 45
 
 
over
 46
the
 47
cheekbones
 48
 
 
I just
 49
want it
 50
to bring
 51
me some
 52
 
 
added
 53
masculinity
 54
 
 
you know
 55
 
 
buff the
 56
image
 57
 
 
cause
 58
really
 59
 
 
I'm a
 60
limp wristed
 61
faggot
 62
 
 
I've never
 63
done those
 64
things
 65
 
 
you know
 66
 
 
busted my
 67
hand on
 68
another
 69
man's face
 70
 
 
fucked a
 71
chick in
 72
the ass,
 73
 
 
had to do that
 74
whole reality
 75
of the 6-4:30
 76
mandatory overtime
 77
blue collar experience
 78
 
 
I've read
 79
about them,
 80
 
 
and really,
 81
have a keen
 82
insight into
 83
the realities
 84
 
 
moreso than the
 85
ignorant chaps
 86
that live it
 87
 
 
but,
 88
 
 
as you
 89
can tell
 90
 
 
I've been
 91
blessed with this
 92
gift
 93
 
 
and it keeps my
 94
cuticles
 95
rounded
 96
 
 
and my face
 97
soft
 98
 
 
so I want
 99
the hat
 100
 
 
you know
 101
 
 
just to give
 102
me that
 103
 
 
extra
 104
 
 
credibility
 105

31 Oct 05

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Comments:

at the outset, this poem is captivating, but then it falls into little itty-bitty shitballs.
 — unknown

Made me dizzy coming all the way down the slide but it's worth it!  Nice.
 — Isabelle5

um, no.
 — unknown

This started out very nicely.  It started to lose me with the extra "you knows" lying about.  I wouldn't have been unhappy if this poem ended at L23, even though there are parts later on that I enjoyed.
 — aeturnus

I absolutely love the first eight lines.  
 — xisocracyx

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