| Dharma of Time
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aleksandr
| Together with theists | 1 |
of various cast, | 2 |
I despoiled prana from | 3 |
an enlightened Krishna. | 4 |
He sat splenetically | 5 |
under the pale glow of a | 6 |
hanging hot air balloon, | 7 |
bowed into a ribald smile, | 8 |
and echoed into the chasm | 9 |
of intellectual superiority. | 10 |
All the while, understudy | 11 |
sat uncomfortably, | 12 |
stroking within the line | 13 |
separating his skull | 14 |
down center, | 15 |
and drank generously | 16 |
from a glinting decanter | 17 |
without ever touching | 18 |
thickly split lips. | 19 |
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2 Nov 05 |
Rated 9 (9) by 1 users.
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(define the words in this poem)
(17 more poems by this author)
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Comments:
light alliteration. interesting language
splenetically. made up word? very visual if it is.
should it be the prana? love the way this sounds like pirahna. but. ahem. doesn't mean it. i'm amused by sound alikes.
nice poem. worth a few reads and a return to read a few more.
— kaleidazcope
welcome to pc. don't feel shy to crit. it's one way to get people reading you.
i hope people like alice visit you. think she'd like this.
— kaleidazcope
My head is spinning after reading this. Splenetically was an interesting choice of words. I always thought it meant having to do with the spleen, but apparently it has a more figuartive meaning which you utilized.
Line 1-2 - You make mention of a group of theists which seem to have no actual significance in this piece. In fact it seems distracting to even mention the I-narrator or the other theists unless of course they hold some significance to the description which doesn't seem to be the case because the bulk of the piece focuses on the Krishna and the understudy.
Line 5 - 10 - Awesome imagery.
Line 11 - If I'm reading this correctly, than you should probably include an article or personal pronoun in front of understudy because it doesn't sound right without one.
Very interesting description, not sure I was able to grasp the underlying theme but interesting nonetheless.
— Resonanz
Quite a beauty.
— themolly
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