| Just Another She
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kandiekay
| She is a flirt, | 1 |
pathologically speaking. | 2 |
Strawberry juice bleeds from her lips | 3 |
while diamonds ooze from pores. | 4 |
But she didn’t choose to look this way. | 5 |
Nor does she ever flirt. | 6 |
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She is just another she. | 7 |
(At least that how she sees it) | 8 |
And all the guys like that. | 9 |
And not only do they like that, | 10 |
but she is the pink | 11 |
they want to mix their blue with | 12 |
to make purple. | 13 |
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And yet she is oblivious of this. | 14 |
Fun is her dog that faithfully | 15 |
follows her around. | 16 |
And as long as it continues to, | 17 |
(which it always will) | 18 |
she will feed it and pet it | 19 |
and take care of it. | 20 |
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6 Nov 05 |
Rated 4 (6.7) by 1 users.
Active (1): 4
Inactive (2): 8, 8
(define the words in this poem)
(14 more poems by this author)
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Comments:
lines 10-12 are colour-wonderful. Is "Fun" the name of her dog? The dog thing isn't clear to me. I'm wondering if you need it, and if so, why? And...... the diamonds oozing from her pores? Is that silver face glitter? Unclear reference. But overall, I think this is a striking poem, and I'm rating it 8. I'd love to see where you go with it.
Sicerely,
— graceinmtl
I loved it up until line 20. I like what it is that you are trying to put across in this last stanza, I just think the poem implies in the second stanza when you say" she is just another she" that she goes unappreciated for her uniqueness. so the last lines just don't quite say it as complex as it really is.
— Riverwriter2
patriarchy
— aleksandr
The last three lines seems to pass a sign over the fact that "she'll" never know "how much she means to anyone." Do you/we really want her to, because as River writes "She is just another she." I, however, am not looking for deepness in "her." As the title states, "Just Another She" - simple and clean: it should be left like that. If there is nothing to dig for in a person as we conclude from their appearance, we have to trust the writer with that initial judgement.
So I believe that further lines are needed beyond ln 19, but just three that will cast the work back into that "just-another" sense. You can't make real pearls out of paste.
Really good work. Intriguing and original. -cynth
— cynthmala
Alright I decided to just take out the last three lines. I think I like it better that way. And to graceinmtl, the dog is just a metaphor for saying how she always has fun and she makes everything around her fun. The diamonds oozing from her pores describes her bright and cheery nature.
— kandiekay
Anything else?
— kandiekay
Nice.
— FemmeInLA
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