| On the King of Hearts and Stacking the Deck (Repost)
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bear
| A light flickers in | 1 |
a smokey bar and | 2 |
at a dirty table a | 3 |
game of poker moves. | 4 |
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The dealer sips his beer. | 5 |
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His movements are | 6 |
incoherent as he | 7 |
slurs the words, | 8 |
"Place your bets." | 9 |
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He has absolute control. | 10 |
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The cards have no say | 11 |
as to whose hand | 12 |
they end up in. | 13 |
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From the lowest two | 14 |
to the highest king, | 15 |
there is no choice. | 16 |
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This is the thing that | 17 |
keeps these cards united, | 18 |
the one thing they have in common; | 19 |
the Dealer. | 20 |
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The King of Hearts, the most | 21 |
noble of all cards, | 22 |
is depicted as taking his life. | 23 |
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He is not happy | 24 |
with his portrait and his riches, | 25 |
while the two of spades is content | 26 |
with being just that. | 27 |
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I love the King of Hearts | 28 |
because he was not afraid. | 29 |
Not afraid of the Dealer | 30 |
and not afraid of commitment. | 31 |
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We are.. | 32 |
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6 Nov 05 |
Rated 5 (5) by 2 users.
Active (2): 5, 5
Inactive (0):
(define the words in this poem)
(157 more poems by this author)
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Comments:
come on now, how are you going to give a rating, a low rating and not leave a comment, that is not helpful.
— bear
Alright.
I gave this a five because I find it average. It seems that you tried too hard to make an enormous metaphor without enough substance behind it. Having a lack of intro to the storyline, it makes most of this poem confusing. However, I gave you a decent rating because it is a very original metaphor and well-written, if a little too analytical-sounding and yet confusing at the same time.
I left no comment in hopes you would re-read this and find the errors.
By the way, a five is a fair rating, a low is three, maybe four. Better average than none, right?
— FangzOfFire
very true, thank you fangz, i find it very hard to find mistakes in my work, i shall re read it and make it clearer if possible.
— bear
any thing else?
— bear
there
— bear
bear, i know you have difficulty finding good titles sometimes, but this is ridiculous ;)
— inutile
haha i was just trying to get someone to read it! i swear to u!
— bear
I LOVE IT TO HAVE IT IN MY ANUS ALL THE TIMES
— unknown
sure, sure :P
— inutile
Is the title linked to the anus because thats where the player stashes his high ace which can be brought into play through farting massively and then switching it with a card from your suite while everyone has fled outside the door to wait for the stench to die down
Larry Analyser of poems Lark
— larrylark
alright i changed the title back, but larry, you were right! its a trick in the way he folds the card to get it in his anus
— bear
oh my.
— inutile
This doesn't really go anywhere and reads like the instruction sheet that accompanies a pack of cards'
Larry
— larrylark
it doesnt go anywhere? i was trying to make a metaphor for life. but i guess it was a lame attempt
— bear
i'm afraid i must agree with larry. i mean, you wrote this poem, now what? it isn't particularly amazing, it doesn't stand out, it has no purpose, really. i have read other poems by you, and sometimes i liked the underlying metaphore of life, which you seem to be fond of writing about, and other times i don't like it, but in all other cases (all that i've read so far) it works. whereas this one doesn't. i don't wish to be harsh, but since larry and fangz also share the same opinion as me, whose opinions i respect, i think i should suggest that you just remove this poem and post another.
but you must understand that although i am one to encourage people to normally not delete their poems, this is just a bad poem, although well written, as opposed to good ideas for poems carried out very badly.
i feel mean now, and i'm sorry for that comment, but it's just my opnion.
— inutile
haha, i never thought i would see the day where i would have a well written poem and a bad idea, it is always the other way around. i do not think i will delete it, i am extreemly fond of it. but i can see what you are saying.
— bear
well, as long as you like it, that's all that matters. (<-- note the complete lack of sarcasm)
i was afraid i was rather harsh before, and didn't want you to get offended, as you could have rightly done so. glad you're not cut at me.
— inutile
nah, you can't offend me, you are a friend being honest
— bear
my room mate helped me out with this. seems a lot better to me...
— bear
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