poetry critical

online poetry workshop



=Derrick= would you crit this? (lyrical jive)
netskyIam

Do ya got ya eggs some ham?
 1
walla walla bim bam my m'am
 2
 
 
'Low me salt ya cella low?
 3
walla walla bim bam my m'am
 4
 
 
I got peppa hot and red
 5
walla walla bim bam my m'am
 6
 
 
Let's make break fast in ya bed
 7
walla walla bim bam my m'am
 8
 
 
When tha eggs is poached jus right
 9
walla walla bim bam my m'am
 10
 
 
Then tha cock all lusty crows
 11
bim bam walla walla
 12
woooo m'ammm!
 13

7 Nov 05

Rated 9 (6) by 1 users.
Active (1): 9
Inactive (4): 1, 2, 8, 8

(define the words in this poem)
(181 more poems by this author)

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Comments:

bump for D to hit it.
 — netskyIam

who wrote this? it's not bad lol... actually i like it.
 — Young_Poet05

oh! nvm.. this poetry place is still trippin' me out. Gon' take a while to get use to.
 — Young_Poet05

lol, who the hell is Derrick?!
 — Kauf

me!
 — Young_Poet05

hmmm. unusual. nice onomatopoeia, or whatever it is.
 — inutile

who wrote this? it's not bad lol... actually i like it.
– Young_Poet05

I wrote it, Derrick! Me, reid!

lol, who the hell is Derrick?!
– Kauf

Derrick is our board's  hip-hopping up and coming recording star
(we hope!)

Could you make something performable out of the lyric, D?
If so, have at it!  
 — netskyIam

lol probably not, but thanx for the offer. Oh, by the way i sent you a message and poem via E-Mail.
 — Young_Poet05

oh dang maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan

i was sure you were meaning derrick walcott, mannnnnnnnnnnnnnn

my brotha, my mannnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn

raftermanaftermorninsexondebutcher'sblock
 — unknown

outside the sphere of my experience and yet strangely compelling.
 — Meep

line 13 is missing a beat

for sure

i tell you dis from de bottom of my heart

gupta
 — unknown

Groan.  More horrible stuff.
 — unknown

ah, the power of The One Bomber,
going through all my old poems marking them with "1's", from multiple posting accounts,
and making disparagement without a shed of genuine commentary.  

Thanks for the rise, thanks for the new reads.
 — netskyIam

Dear Derrick

This has real life,colour and feel.Its full of life
 — larrylark

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